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Bhí orm comhrá deacair a bheith agam an tseachtain seo. Bhuel, ní comhrá go díreach a bhí ann ach bhí orm iarraidh ar fhear gan labhairt liom de bharr drochrudaí a bhí ráite aige liom. Bhí faitíos an domhain orm agus mé len é a dhéanamh agus mar sin, bhí mol mór cleachtadh déanta agam i mo chloigeann ach fós féin rinne mé dearmad ar chuile rud agus mé ag seasamh os a chomhair.
I had to have a difficult conversation this week. Bhuel, it wasn’t exactly a conversation it was more me telling a man that had been inappropriate to me that that wasn’t OK. I was so nervous even thinking about it so I had rehearsed a million times in my head what I would say to him but even still, standing in front of him everything I had rehearsed went clean out of my head. Ar bhonn bitheolaíochta luíonn sin go hiomlán le ciall ach ar dtús, beagán réamheolais. Biologically this makes perfect sense, but first some context. Is fear é seo a bhím thart air ar bhonn sóisialta agus le linn an dianghlasála dúirt sé rud éigin aisteach agus sách gránna liom. Ghabh sé leithscéal nuair a dúirt mé leis nach raibh sé sách maith agus dúirt sé go raibh ábhar grinn aisteach aige. Anois feicim sa fíorshaol é agus an tseachtain seo caite dúirt sé rud éigin go hiomlán as bealach liom agus stán mé air. ‘Is maith liom an mála sin’ a dúirt sé go sciobtha. This is a man that I see in a social setting. During the lockdown he had been contacting me a lot, despite telling me that he wasn’t interested in my romantically and that he had a partner. I got at least two messages a week from him, which I answered but I never initiated it. One of the messages was really weir and a bit gross. He wrote it off as a weird sense of humour and apologised. Week 2 of being back in the social situation that I know him in and he said something completely out of order to me. When I stared at him in response he winked at me and said ‘I like the bag.’ Bhí a fhios agam ag an am go raibh mé míchompordach leis ach lean mé ar aghaidh leis an méid a bhí ar bun againn. Céard eile a bhí le déanamh...? An lá dár gcionn bhí mé ag labhairt le duine eile faoi agus nuair a chonaic mé a haghaidh i ndiaidh gur chuala sí an méid a dúirt sé thuig mé go raibh sé go hiomlán as ord agus mícheart. Bhí an darna ráitis níos measa ná an chéad cheann agus níl mé ag iarraidh smaoinimh ar an méid go d’fhéadfaidh tarlú. Bhí a fhios agam go raibh orm stop a chur leis. Ach conas? Is iomaí oíche i ndiaidh sin a chaith mé ag smaoineamh air. I knew at the time that I wasn’t comfortable with what he had said but I just went back to what we had been doing. What else was I supposed to do...? the next day I mentioned what he said to someone else and the look of disgust and horror on her face made me realise how wrong it had been for him to say that to me. This second statement from him had been worse than the first and I don’t and didn’t want to think about where it was going so I knew I had to stop it, but how? And this question rolled around my head for about four nights. Bheartaigh mé go labhróinn leis an chéad uair eile go bhfeicfinn é; Dé Luain a shíl mé ach bhí sin athraithe go dtí an Chéadaoin. Cúpla oíche eile gan chodail, a smaoinigh mé, ag oibriú amach céard go díreach go ndearfainn leis, buartha faoin bhfreagra a bheidh aige. Ansin mhol duine éigin dom labhairt le duine eile a bhíonn sa suíomh céanna leis agus liom. Bhí faitíos orm labhairt léi ach thuig sí go hiomlán. Thug sí tacaíocht dom. Phlé muid céard go d’fhéadfaidh mé a dhéanamh agus chuir sí bean eile ar an eolas freisin, bean eile a dúirt ‘ní raibh tú compordach agus mar sin ní raibh an méid a dúirt sé ceart go leor’. Ní raibh ceist ann faoi. Ar deireadh, bheartaigh muid gur ceart dom labhairt leis. Labhairt leis agus daoine thart orainn agus in áit gheal... I decided that I would confront him the next time I saw him, on Monday, I thought. But Monday was then changed to Wednesday and unable to face another night of no sleep and under the advisement of another woman I spoke to someone who is in the same group myself and this man are both in. I was nervous telling her what had happened or how I felt because you never know how someone will react to something but she gave me her full support. She never questioned what I said and between the two of us we decided that I should speak to him as I felt comfortable (bhuel, relatively comfortable) talking to him. Chomh luath is a bhí deis agam ar an gCéadaoin, tharraing mé ar leataobh é, bhreathnaigh mé sa siúl aige agus dúirt mé leis nach raibh mé compordach leis an méid a bhí ráite aige liom. ‘Céard a dúirt mé?’ a d’fhiafraigh sé. D’inis mé dó nach raibh mé len é a athrá dó ach amach anseo le cinnte a dhéanamh nach dtarlóidh sé arís níl sé le labhairt liom arís. ‘An ea an rud sin a dúirt mé mar gheall ar an mala?’ Iontas na n-iontas bhí a fhios aige. D’éirigh sé feargach ansin agus d’iarr sé orm labhairt leis níos moille. Dhiúltaigh mé agus mhínigh mé leis arís nach raibh muid ag caint a thuilleadh. Chuaigh muid ar ais go dtí an cuid eile den ghrúpa agus chuir mé miongháire ar m’aghaidh, in aithneoinn an crith i mo lámha agus mo ghuth. Bhí sé déanta agam agus ní raibh mé ach bródúil! As soon as I had the chance on Wednesday I took him to the side, looked him in the eye and told him what he had said had been inappropriate and that it had made me very uncomfortable. ‘What did I say?’ he asked. I refused to tell him and I told him that it wouldn’t happen again because he was no longer allowed to speak to me. ‘Is it that thing I said about the bag?’ Look at that. He did know what he had said. Surprise surprise. His voice changed then and he was angry. He demanded that we talk about it later. I refused and repeated that he wasn’t allowed speak to me anymore. We went back to the bigger group and I painted a smile on my face to counteract the shake in my voice and my hands. I’d done it! Agus anois an cuid bitheolaíochta. Nuair atáimid faoi strus níl an cuid dár inchinn a dhéanann an smaointeoireacht dúinn, an prefrontal cortex i bhfeidhm. Nuair a thuigeann ár gcolainn gur faoi strus atáimid síleann sé go gcaithfimid rith ar shiúil nó troid le cinnte a dhéanamh go dtiocfaimid slán sábhalta as an suíomh. Mar sin, nuair a bhí mé ag labhairt leis bhí neart fuinnimh agam, bhí go leor leor fuil i mo mhatáin agus bhí mé lán aidréanalín ach ní raibh mé in ann smaoineamh. And now for the biology. When we are stressed the part of our brain that we use to think cannot function. Our bodies go into fight, flight or freeze mode when we are stressed so when I was talking to him I had lots of adrenaline coursing through my body but my ability to remember what I wanted to say had vanished. Má smaoiníonn tú siar go dtí an uair dheireanach go raibh tú faoi strus ag déanamh scrúdaithe. Bhí staidéar déanta agat agus bhí an t-eolas agat ach os comhair an pháipéir d’imigh an t-eolas sin ar fad as do chloigeann. Is rud nádúrtha é. Agus is rud é sin a shábháil tú nuair a bhí muid amuigh ag bailiú bi siar siar siar sna blianta ach ní rud róchabhrach dúinn anois agus muid faoi strus ag rudaí eile; faoi strus ag an obair, faoi strus airgeadais, faoi strus ama. Leis an sochaí agus an domhan mar atá siad táimid ag maireachtáil faoi strus an chuid is mó den am agus is olc an rud é don sláinte. If you think about the last time you were stressed in an exam. You had studied and you had some idea what you should right but sitting in front of the paper you couldn’t remember a thing. it’s completely natural and it is the thing that saved you from bears and the like when we were hunter gatherers but it’s not so useful now. In the world today we are more likely to be stressed about money, work, a lack of time and none of these things require us to fight, run or freeze in order to survive. People nowadays are living in constant stress which is bad for our health. Nuair atáimid faoi strus déanann an colainn go leor leor aidréanailín agus cortisol agus ní rudaí maithe iad na hormóin seo má tá siad ionann an t-am ar fad. Nuair a bhíonn tú ag cleachtadh aireachais a rud a tharlaíonn ná go laghdóinn an strus agus muid dírithe isteach ar an anáil agus is féidir leis an prefrontal cortex téigh ar ais go dtí an áit a bhí sé agus oibríonn sé go maith. Mar sin, má tá tú in suíomh strusmhar, má tá cúpla cleachtadh agat leis an strus a laghdú déanfaidh siad maitheas de do shláinte fhisiciúil agus beidh tú in ann smaoineamh i gceart chomh maith. When you are stressed your body makes lots of cortisol and adrenalin which is pumped around our body. These hormones can be toxic to us when we have a constant supply of them in our blood. When you practice mindfulness we can reduce the stress we are under. When you meditate you are focusing on your physical experience in that moment in time, or you are focusing on a phrase or a mantra. Doing this lowers our stress levels and returns our prefrontal cortex back to where it is supposed to be. So when you are in a stressful situation, if you have some tools or tricks to help you lower your stress levels this is good for you physically and it will help you to think more clearly in that moment as well. Bím ag múineadh na scileanna seo le linn mo ranganna le daoine óga agus daoine fásta agus má tá suim agat iontu bígí i dteagmháil liom. It is these skills that I teach during my classes, to adults and children to send me a message if you are interested in learning more about them.
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Tá an saol tosaithe arís ar go leor bealaí. Tá mé ar ais ag traenáil, tá siopaí agus bialanna oscailte, anseo i nGaillimh tá Bóthar na Trá lán turasoirí agus ní rachaidh mé ar ais go Sráid na Siopaí ar an Satharn arís ar feadh tamaill! Bhí mé ann coicís ó shin agus bhí mol mór daoine thart, níos mó daoine ná go bhfaca mé in aon áit amháin le tamall fada. I bhfad iomarca domsa!
Life has started back up again in a lot of ways. I am back at training, shops and restaurants are now open, here in Galway Salthill is packed with tourists and I went into town two Saturdays ago and I won’t be doing it again in a rush! There were so many people around and I was not ready for it! Bhí cúpla seachtain mhór agam le déanaí; mar a dúirt mé tá mé ar ais ag traenáil. Imrím badminton agus ceann de na rudaí a thaitin liom faoi ná go n-imríonn tú badminton taobh istigh, anois sin an rud is measa faoi...tá an club oscailte le cúpla seachtain i gcomhair leadóige ach tá mise ar ais le cíocis agus bhí mé iontach neirbhíseach ag dul ann an chéad uair. Ní raibh a fhios agam conas a bheadh daoine eile, céard a bheadh athraithe sa chlub, an mbeadh cead agam na leithris a úsáid....agus lean na ceisteanna ar aghaidh! Ar deireadh bhí sé go hiontach! Bhí sé go hálainn a bheith ar ais ag imirt agus bhí sé an-deas daoine a fheiceáil arís agus craic a bheith agam leo. I’ve had a big few weeks recently; as I mentioned I am back training with the badminton team and one of the things I really liked about badminton before I now really dislike. I used to love that it was played indoors and now I wish we could play outside... When I first was going back, two weeks ago I was really nervous. I didn’t know how other people would be, I didn’t know what changes would have been made in the club or what would be expected of me, was I allowed to use the toilets, there were so many questions! But once I went back it was great! I am so glad to be back running around again and seeing people! Chomh maith leis sin, thosaigh mé ag múineadh an tseachtain sin. Bhí mé ag múineadh Gaeilge le hOideas Gael ar líne agus thóg sé thart ar trí lá orm dul i dtaithí air. Mhothaigh sé aisteach gan iomlán an duine a fheiceáil agus bhí sé níos deacra dom fios a bheith agam ar thuig siad mé nó an raibh aon tuiscint eadrainn ach i ndiaidh na Céadaoin mhothaigh mé níos compordaí leis. Ní raibh ann ach uair an chloig in aghaidh an lae ach fós féin bhí mé spíonta i ndiaidh! As well as that I started teaching online that week. I was teaching Irish with Oideas Gael and it took me about three days to be fully comfortable with it. It felt really weird not being in the same space as the people I was teaching and it was therefore difficult to know if my students understood me! But by Wednesday I felt much more comfortable with it. It was only an hour long class a day but I was wreaked afterwards! Ansin an tsceachtain seo bhí an an Tástáil Náisiúnta Gluaisteán (TNG) agam ar an gcarr. Cuireann an TNG strus orm gach bliain ach i mbliana caithfidh dul i ngleic leis an mbealach nua atá na hoifigí anois – bhí orm masc a chaitheamh, d’fhan mé ag an gcarr go dtí go raibh siad réidh dom, ní raibh na suíocháin sa seomra feithimh ar fáil agus mar sin ní raibh a fhios agam cén áit ar cheart dom fanacht – rudaí beaga b’fhéidir ach rudaí a chur strus eile orm. And then this week I had to put the car through the NCT. I find the NCT really stressful every year but this year not only did I have to deal with the stress of the test I also had to think about whether I should wear a mask or not, where I should wait for the car when it was being tested, had I missed hearing them call out my reg. they were all fairly simple things but stressful when you don’t know the answers. Bhí an tástáil agam ag a haon an chloig agus mar sin, rinne mé píosa oibre roimhe agus ansin chuaigh mé ann. Faoin am gur bhain mé an teach amach i ndiaidh bhí mé spíonta! Bhí mé iomlán scriosta! Agus chaith mé an chuid eile den lá ag breathnú ar Netflix ach sular ndearna mé sin, bhí orm labhairt liom féin le go mothóinn ceart go leor agus mé ag déanamh sin! Le linn an lae ar an Máirt a bhí sé, bhí m’intinn ag insint dom gur ceart dom a bheith ag obair. My test was at one o’clock so I did a bit of work in the morning before heading out to it. By the time I got home again afterwards I was wrecked! I spent the rest of the day watching Netflix, but before I could od that I had to give myself a stern talking to before I deemed it OK to do nothing. It was the middle of the day on a Tuesday and my mind was telling me I should be working. ‘Táimid ag teacht amach as dianghlasáil. Níl tú cleachtadh le bheith thart ar dhaoine agus níl tú cleachtadh leis na rialacha nua seo. Agus dár ndóigh tá faitíos ort go dtabharfaidh tú rud éicint do dhaoine eile nó go gheobhaidh tú rud éigin as daoine eile. Anuas ar sin, níl tú cleachtadh leis an aclaíocht sin ar fad ach an oiread! Cinnte go bhfuil tú scriosta! Tóg go bog é! Déanfaidh tú an obair sin amárach, níl brú ama leis.’ ‘We are just coming out of complete lockdown. You’re not used to being around people and you’re not used to these new rules. It’s all new to you and therefore stressful! And on top of all of that you’re not used to all this running around and exercise to take it easy! Of course you’re wreaked! You’ll do whatever work you have to do tomorrow, there’s no rush!’ I ndiaidh sin a chloisteáil...uaim féin... mhothaigh mé níos fearr. Bhí an ceart agam, is am strusmhar agus mar sin tuirsiúil é seo, dúinn ar fad! Mar sin, tóg go réidh é. Ní gá duit gach rud a dhéanamh in aon lá nó fiú seachtain amháin agus bí deas leat féin. Táimid uilig ag foghlaim conas atá an saol nua seo agus cén ról atá againn ann. After hearing that...from myself...I felt a lot better. I was right of course, we are going through a really stressful, weird time and as a result the smallest of things are going to take a lot out of us so go easy on yourself, you don’t have to do everything in one day, or even in one week! Agus dála an scéil, theip orm sa TNG agus anois caithfidh mé labhairt leis an meicneoir agus ansin dul ar ais go dtí an ionad tástála, ach ar a laghd tá a fhios agam céard le déanamh an uair seo! Masc a chaitheamh agus fan taobh amuigh go dtí go nglaofar ort! Oh and I failed the NCT so I now have to deal with a mechanic and then go back for another test but at least this time I know what to expect with it all! Tá an ghealach nua linn anois, oíche amárach mar a tharlaíonn sé. Ní rud í an ghealach nua nó an ghealach dhorcha, a labhraítear faoi mórán. Is dóigh gur sin mar atá sé toisc go bhfuil an ghealach dhorcha agus nach bhfeiceann tú í ach tá an tréimhse seo den ghealach chomh tábhachtach céanna is atá tréimhse ar bith eile.
It is the new moon again, tomorrow night. The new or dark moon isn’t one that people talk about very much. That is presumably because you can’t actually see it but the dark phase of the moon is just as important as every other phase of it. Nuair a bhíonn an ghealach mhór, lán agus gheal is am iontach é sin le scaoileadh le rudaí nach bhfuil uainn a thuilleadh; nósanna nach bhfuil ag cabhrú linn, smaointe a dhéanann damáiste dúinn. Ach má táimid ag scaoileadh le rudaí uair sa mhí, caithfimid rudaí nua a chothú agus a mhealladh isteach chugainn, agus sin an rud a is féidir leat a dhéanamh nuair atá an ghealach dhorcha. Is am é le dul istigh ionann féin, le machnamh a dhéanamh ar an rud agus na rudaí atá uainn. Go traidisiúnta, is am ag an am seo den mhí go dtiocfadh mná le chéile agus an míostrú acu. Nuair a bhíonn an míostrú agam féin bíonn níos lú fuinnimh agam agus airím gur am maith é aireachas a dhéanamh agus a bheith liom féin níos mó. Nuair atá mé airdeallach ar mo chorp insíonn sé dom céard é an rud atá uaim ag aon am ag le linn an mhíostriú tá orm a bheith níos ciúine. When we have the full moon it is a great time to release things that no longer serve us; things that are not helping us anymore or things that we have out grown. But if you are releasing every month you need to bring new things in; new ideas, new thoughts, new ways of being and this time of the moon, the dark or the new moon is a wonderful time to do this. It is a time to go within ourselves. This can be done with meditation or simply being a little bit quieter, not running around all the time like we usually would. Traditionally the new moon was a time where women would come together as traditionally, when we lived more with nature and the world around us the new moon was the time that women would have their period. When I am on my period I have much less energy and I can sense within myself that I need more quiet and more meditation. I need to be alone more. Tá timthriall 28 lá ag an ngealach agus bíonn timthriall na mban 28 lá ar an meán. Bogann corp na mban leis an ngealach. The moon has a 28 day cycle and the average length of a woman’s cycle is 28 days – although of course this can and does vary hugely! But generally is is a 28 day cycle, just like the cycle of the moon. Nuair a bhí mé níos óige bhí mé i gcónaí an-tógtha leis an ngealach lán. Thaitin sé go mór liom í a fheiceáil thuas sa spéir ag lonrach anuas orainn. Is cuimhin liom uair amháin a bheith ag tiomáint le linn na hoíche i nGaeltacht Mhaigh Eo agus bhí an ghealach chomh geal sin nach raibh gá leis na soilsí móra ar an gcarr. Bhí sé draíochtúil! When I was younger I was always very taken by the full moon. I loved seeing it in the sky shining down on us. I remember once driving in the Mayo Gaeltacht and the moon was so bright we didn’t need to put the headlights on. It was incredible. Mhothaigh mé nasc idir mé féin agus an ngealach i gcónaí ach níor thuig mé riamh é, go dtí go raibh mé ag labhairt le Joanne Callan ó Try tHEAlternative agus luaigh sí ciorcal na mban liom a bhuaileann le chéile uair sa mhí ar an ngealach lán. Bhí suim agam sa smaoineamh láithreach ach ní raibh a fhios agam an raibh mé ag iarraidh a bheith páirteach in rud mar sin ar feadh 12 mhí. I have always felt some sort of a connection between myself and the moon but I never really understood it until I was talking to Joanne Callan from Try tHEAlaternative and she mentioned a full moon women’s circle she was starting. I didn’t really know what it was about or what it would be like but I was immediately interested. Rinne mé cinneadh fáil amach cén cineál rud a bheadh ann agus b’ea ceann de na cinntí is fearr a rinne mé riamh! Bhí mé ag freastail air ar feadh bliana go leath go dtí gur bhog mé go Gaillimh agus briseadh croí a bhí ann dom ag fágáil an grúpa sin! Ach is ansin a thosaigh mo thuras féin leis an ngealach lán agus is as sin a spreag mo shuim agus mo thuras leis an ngealach nua agus gach tréimhse eile a bhíonn ag an ngealach! I decided to go with my interests and find out what it was all about and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made! I was part of this incredible group of women for a year and a half and then I decided I was moving to Galway, which was probably a decision I made partly because of this group. But I was heartbroken having to leave. It was this circle that inspired my real journey with the moon in all of it’s phases. It was from there that I started to feel a connection with the new moon and all of the other phases of the moon and the effects they have on me as well. Mar sin, oíche amárach tá sé ar intinn agam seisiún speisialta aireachais a dhéanamh anseo sa teach agus déanfaidh mé píosa scríbhneoireacht thart air agus feicfidh mé céard iad na rudaí atá mé ag iarraidh cothú agus a mhealladh chugam sna chéad chúpla seachtain eile. And because of that, tomorrow night I am going to set aside some time to do some meditating, some journaling and to feel into the power of the new moon and discover what it is that the new moon can help me cultivate and bring into my life. Le seachtain anuas tá mé ag dúiseacht ag pé am a dúisím agus deirim liom féin ‘Céard gur mhaith liom a dhéanamh?’ agus b’ea sin an seachtain is táirgiúla a bhí agam le roinnt mhaith seachtaine. Sílim gur chreid mé go mothóinn i bhfad níos fearr chomh luath is a bhog mé teach ach ní shin mar a tharla sé agus ansin thuig mé gurb ea an rud a bhí mé ag iarraidh a dhéanamh ná nósanna an seansaoil a chur isteach sa saol nua seo.
For the past week I have been waking up at whatever time I wake up at and asking myself ‘What do I want to do?’ and as a result this has been my most productive week in a long time. I think I believed that I would feel much better as soon as I moved house but that isn’t what happened. But I realised what I was trying to do was bring the ways of the old world and the old way of being into this new world that has been created for us. Mar atá luaite agam sa bhlag seo cheana, tá mé cleachtadh le bheith ag obair ón mbaile le blianta anois ach nuair a bhíodh mé á dhéanamh cheana d’fhéadfaidh mé dul amach agus caifé a bheith agam le linn an lae, bhíodh mé ag dul go bialanna san oíche nó díreach ag dul amach ag buaileadh le daoine, gan faitíos orm roimh aon víreas. Anois, tá mé ag obair ón teach go fóill ach níl mé ag dul amach ag múineadh ranganna, níl mé ag dul go caiféanna le píosa oibre a dhéanamh. Tá an saol iomlán athraithe, agus caithfidh mise agus muid ar fad athrú leis. I have mentioned here before that I am well used to working from home. I have been doing it for years now but before, I was able to go out to a café during the day, I was able to go out and meet people in the evenings without worrying about some virus. I am still working from home right now but I am no longer going out to teach classes, I am no longer doing a few hours work in a café. Life has completely changed and I have to change with it. Le seachtain anuas agus mé ag rá liom féin céard gur mhaith liom a dhéanamh anois ní raibh mé ach ag smaoineamh ar an nóiméad nó an uair an chloig a bhí díreach amach romham. Tá liosta agam de rudaí atá le déanamh agus tá a fhios agam go ndéanfaidh mé iad ag am éigin ach níl mé ag cur brú orm féin a thuilleadh iad a dhéanamh muna bhfuil an fuinneamh nó an fonn orm agus mar a dúirt mé bhí seachtain níos torthúla agam an tseachtain seo caite ná a bhí agam le tamall. Ach ní i gcónaí go bhfuil an cuma céanna ar an obair nó orm féin mar a bheadh uirthi nó orm cheana. Uaireanta tá mé ag déanamh cúpla uair an chloig scríbhneoireachta ar an leaba ag a sé an chloig sa tráthnóna, uaireanta tá mé ag léamh ábhair i gcomhair ranganna cois fharraige agus in amanna eile tá mé ag déanamh obair ríomhaireachta agus obair ar na meáin shóisialta céad rud ar maidin i mo phitseámaí, cosúil le díreach anois. For the past week as I asked myself what I wanted to do every morning, I was simply thinking about what I wanted to do in the next few minutes or the next hour. I have a to-do list made out but I haven’t put any pressure on myself to have to do any of it but I have still managed to make a fair dent in it without the pressure. The work that I do or how I do it doesn’t always look like it might have before. Sometimes I will be doing some writing at six in the evening while I’m sitting on my bed, sometimes I’ll be reading through class notes by the sea or sometimes, like now, I’ll be in my pyjamas doing some work on the computer first thing in the morning. Nuair a thuig mé an luach a bhí leis an gceist bheag sin a chur orm féin bheartaigh mé go raibh orm é a roinnt libhse. Tá faitíos orainn uilig agus muid ag teacht amach as an dianghlasáil ach an rud a d’fhoghlaim mé le seachtain anuas ná ní fiú dúinn a bheith crua orainn féin faoi láthair. Ní gá go mbeimid cleachtadh le rudaí faoi láthair, caithfidh muid am a thabhairt dúinn féin dul i taithí ar rudaí arís agus muna bhfuil tú róchrua ort féin faoi rudaí nach bhfuil déanta b’fhéidir go bhfeicfidh tú go mbeidh níos mó déanta agat, b’fhéidir. Ach b’fhiú triail a bhaint as ar aon chuma! When I suddenly understood the value of asking myself that little question every morning I decided that I really wanted to share it with you. We are all scared and worried right now as we come out of lockdown but what I have learnt this past week is that there is no benefit in being hard on ourselves as we process this new way of being. There is no need to presume we can go back to being as productive as we were before, there is no point in making ourselves do things we are no longer comfortable with, and maybe if you take the pressure off a little bit you might find that you can be even more productive! Or maybe not but it’s worth a try finding out anyway, isn’t it? D’imigh sin agus tháinig seo.
Bhuel! It’s been a hot minute. Níl a fhios agam cá dtosóidh mé. Tá mé sa chistin faoi láthair le mo chos ar chathaoir toisc go bhfuil mo rúitín gortaithe agam. Mo rúitín maith agus tá mé le bogadh tí i gceann cúpla lá. Beidh sé seo suimiúil. I’m not even sure where to start. I am currently in my kitchen with my foot propped up on a cushion because I may have sprained my ankle. My good ankle and I am getting ready to move to a new house so this is going to be interesting... Bhog mé isteach sa teach seo ar feadh bliana. Bhí sé seo ar eolas agam ón tús ach bhí an seomra agus an suíomh agus an cíos go maith. Ag deireadh na míosa seo tagann an bhliain sin chun deireadh agus ó thús an tréimhse dianghlásala seo bhí duine amháin sa teach (a bhí bailithe abhaile ó mhí Márta) ag cur teachtaireachtaí chugam le cur i gcuimhne dom go raibh orm bogadh amach. Tá sé ag ligint air féin gur sé an tiarna talún cé nach ea. Chuir sé isteach chomh mór sin orainn gur bheartaigh mo chara tí Kevin go raibh sé féin ag iarraidh bogadh amach. I moved into this house for 12 months. I knew this from the beginning but the room and location are both great and the price was right but since lockdown began one of the guys in the house has been texting me on the regular reminding me that I have to move. This guy isn’t here but his presence has been very much felt. He is acting like the landlord when he isn’t the landlord. Long story short his attitude of my way or the highway while he’s not even here caused by housemate Kevin to find somewhere new to live. Bhog Kevin amach os cionn seachtaine ó shin agus tá mo bhád tarrthála caillte agam. Bhí craic agam agus Kevin le chéile. Chuir muid aithne ceart ar a chéile. Tháinig mé tríd an dianghlásail seo toisc go raibh Kevin anseo. Bogfaidh mise i gceann cúpla lá ach fós féin tá brón orm. Tá mé brónach nach bhfuil cónaí orm le Kevin a thuilleadh. Tá brón orm gur thit an tóin amach as an teach seo, a bhí chomh álainn ar feadh tréimhse. Airím ar nós go ndeachaidh mé trí rud éigin anseo ach tá sé difriúil anois. Bhí duine éigin anseo nuair nach raibh mé ann agus bhain siad aníos na fógraí ‘Black Lives Matter’ agus ‘You are important’ a bhí sa fuinneog agam agus tá an bhagairt ann i gcónaí go dtiocfaidh an fear sin atá ag ligint air féin gur eisean an tiarna talún ar ais ag am ar bith. Tá an teach difriúil anois toisc go bhfuil Kevin imithe. Kevin moved out just over a week ago and I feel like I have lost my life raft. Kevin made lockdown bearable and fun and it wouldn’t have been the same without him. Although I am moving now at the end of this week, I’m still sad; sad that Kevin won’t be in my new house and sad that I’m leaving a house that was really great for so long. I feel like I’ve been through something here and now it’s just different. Different because someone was here and took down my ‘Black Lives Matter’ and ‘You are important’ notices in the window. Different because there is the constant threat that the guy who has caused the situation to become toxic might come home at any minute but mostly different because Kevin is gone. Tharla cuid mhór rudaí le linn an dianghlasail seo. Mhothaigh mé cuid mhór agus anois agus an tír ag teacht amach as airím cuid mhór rudaí eile. B’fhéidir go bhfuil an tír ag teacht amach as ach níl mise. Níl mórán ag athrú domsa, bhuel ach amháin go bhfuil mé ag bogadh tí ach ó thaobh oibre de, ó thaobh buaileadh le daoine, níl mórán ag athrú. Thug mé cuairt ar chara liom agus a cúpla atá bliain d’aois le déanaí agus níor phioc mé suas iad. Níor thug mé barróg dóibh. Ghlac sé an oiread sin asam gan na rudaí sin a dhéanamh. Mhothaigh sé neamhchineálta agus neamhnormálta ach aisteach go maith, b’ea an rud is cineáltaí go d’fhéadfaidh mé a dhéanamh. Lockdown has been so many things and now that the country is coming out of it feels like so many other things. The country may be coming out of lockdown but I’m not. Nothing really changes for me, bhuel except that I’m moving house but workwise, meeting people-wise, having things to do-wise nothing really changes. I visited my best friend and her year-old twins last week and I couldn’t pick them up. It took everything out of me to not pick them up but I didn’t. It felt unnatural and unkind but strangely enough it was the kinder thing to do. Sílim go bhfuil neart againn ag breathnú ar an saol agus ár saolta ar bhealach difriúil anois. Ní chreidim féin agus níor chreid mé riamh go bhfuil an cine daonna ceapadh le bheith ag obair an 30, 40 nó fiú 50 uair an chloig in aghaidh na seachtaine a dhíoltar dúinn agus tá siúl agam gur thosaigh daoine ag smaoineamh ar sin agus ar an gcineál saol gur mhaith leo. Tá siúl agam go bhfuil tuiscint níos fearr againn anois ar na rudaí atá tábhachtach dúinn. I think this whole experience is shining a light on how we used to live our lives, how we spent our time and what didn’t and wasn’t working. I don’t believe humans were built to work the 30, 40, 50+ hours a week that we’re being told to work and I am hoping that this whole situation will help people to realise what is really important in their lives. Domsa, tuigim féin an tábhacht a bhaineann leis an mbaile. Tuigim cé chomh tábhachtach is atá sé daoine maithe a bheith thart ort agus an mhéid atáimid ag braith ar an idirlíon! For me, it has helped me realise how important your home is. How important it is to have people around you that support you and how much we really rely on the internet these days! Taobh istigh den chéad choicís den dianghlásail seo, am éigin i mí Márta sílim...b’fhéidir, ní a fhios agam, ag am éigin i mbliana chaith mé cúig lá sa teach anseo ag déanamh cleachtais aireachais agus ag cur aithne níos fearr orm féin le Miranda MacPherson agus os cionn 40 eile ar fud na cruinne. Go gairid i ndiaidh sin bhí mé tinn. Creideann muid gur COVID a bhí ann ach níl sin oifigiúil ach ar feadh míosa bhí tinneas agus tuirse orm, lena linn sin bhí mé go fóill ag tabhairt faoin gcéim sa síciteiripe agus ag déanamh seisiúin comhairleoireachta mé féin trí Zoom. Faoi láthair tá mé ag smaoineamh ar thús a chur le haiste 1500 focal atá le déanamh agam don chéim seo agus tá a fhios agam go bhfuil ceann eile ar an mbealach. Beidh cúpla uair an chloig sa choláiste ar líne agam an deireadh seachtaine seo agus an deireadh seachtaine seo chugainn. Bhíodh mé ag déanamh físeáin do ghrúpa sóisialta WhatsApp atá ag Tuismitheoirí na Gaeltachta agus tá an-chuid físeáin eile déanta agam agus curtha ar mo leathanach Facebook féin (atá ar fáil anseo) agus tá mé ag iarraidh mo ghnó a fhorbairt ar líne. Beidh deasghnáth agam don ghealach lán ar Facebook Beo ar an Domhnach, 5 Iúil agus tá mé ag déanamh an-chuid píosaí aireachais ar Facebook Beo chomh maith. Déanfaidh mé ceann anocht ag 8.30 dóibh siúd atá suim acu ann. Chaith mé an-chuid den dianghlásail ag smaoineamh nach raibh mórán idirlámha agam ach ag breathnú siar ar seo ar fad bhí an-chuid á dhéanamh agam agus níl m’agallamh poist Zoom nó an tras-scríobh atá mé ag déanamh luaite agam fiú! Within the first two weeks of lockdown here, so sometime in March maybe...possibly, I don’t know. What year is it... but anyway at some point this year I did an at home retreat with Miranda MacPherson and soon after that I got sick. I was sick with suspected COVID but not officially COVID for about 4 weeks in total, during which time I was also continuing with my Holistic Psychotherapy and Counselling degree and my own therapy. Right now I am avoiding one 1500 work essay for college, I am preparing mentally for another 1500 word essay that will be due at some point and I’m also getting ready for ‘group process’ or what feels like group therapy online and I have been making videos for a Tuismitheoirí na Gaeltachta whatsapp group and for my own Facebook page (The videos can be viewed here) and I’m building up an online business of sorts. I’ll be doing a full moon ceremony on Facebook live on Sunday, 5th July for anyone who’s interested and I have also been doing a lot of Facebook live meditations at 8.30 in the evenings. So despite the fact that I have been saying and thinking that ‘I’m on the dole and not doing anything’ I have actually been doing a lot and I haven’t even mentioned my zoom job interview and my transcription work... Agus mar gheall ar sin ar fad tá mé le trí lá a thógáil saor go luath. Trí lá nuair a bheidh an fón casta as agam, nuair a bheidh go leor bia sa teach agam le nach mbeidh orm dul amach agus go mbeidh sceideal aireachais agam agus deis agam an-chuid scríbhneoireachta a dhéanamh. Tharla an oiread sin ó gur dúnadh na tíre tá orm an t-am seo a thabhairt dom féin le tuiscint a fháil air. Níl mé cinnte díreach cathain an ndéanfaidh mé seo ach tá mé lán cinnte go ndéanfaidh mé é agus tá mé ag siúl go mór leis! Tá mé ag siúl le go dtabharfaidh an sos seo tuiscint níos fearr dom ar an gciall atá ag ‘ag oscailt na tíre arís’ dom féin go pearsanta. And after reviewing all that has happened for me over the past 100+ days since the government told us to go inside and not come out I have decided that I need to get my head straight, I need to process, I need to take time out and these three days will be just that. So when I have moved and when I am able to I am going to take 3 days off. I am going to have my phone on airplane mode, I’m going to have enough good, nourishing food in the house for the three days and I’m going to write out some sort of a schedule whereby I will be doing a lot of meditating but I will also be journaling. I’ve never done something like this on my own but I’m looking forward to it, I’m looking forward to the quiet and to being in my new home and to maybe figuring out what ‘coming out of lockdown’ means for me. Tá mol mór buairimh agus imní ag dul thart faoi láthair. Níl éinne in ann labhairt ar aon rud ach an coróinvíreas agus níl a fhios againn céard a tharlóidh leis! Cé go bhfuil dúnadh na scoileanna ag cur isteach ar m’ioncam tá mé an-sásta gur ghlac an rialtas an cinneadh seo. An faitíos atá ormsa ná go bhfuil daoine ag leanúint ar aghaidh leis an ngnáthshaol ach tá siúl agam nach ndéanfaidh mórán sin agus go mbeidh rudaí curtha ar ceal agus ag dúnadh de réir a chéile.
There is so much worry and concern going around right now and no one can talk about anything but the corona virus. The uncertainty is causing huge anxiety for people, understandably! Even though the closure of the schools is financially not good for me, I am very glad that the government has taken this step. My concern though is that people are continuing on with their normal lives and are not staying away from social occasions or other people. But I do hope that not many will do that and that as everything starts to close less and less people will do it. Anois, agus muid le fanacht istigh ar feadh cúpla seachtain agus gan labhairt le daoine taobh amuigh den ár dteach féin an bhfuil muid le dul as ár meabhair ar fad?? But now as we are told to stay inside and not meet up with other people for a few weeks, are w eall just going to go completely out of our minds?? Tá cúpla smaoineamh agam anseo de rudaí gur féidir leat a dhéanamh leis an am a chur isteach: I have a few ideas of things we could do to help pass the time
Cabhróidh aclaíocht go mór leis an meabhairshláinte freisin. Tá an-chuid neamhchinnteacht ann faoi láthair agus tá sin ag cur le frustrachas, imní agus buaireamh daoine. Mholfainn duit éirí as na meáin shóisialta ar feadh tamaill chuile lá agus gan an iomarca ama a chaitheamh ag léamh na nuachta. Tá sé tábhachtach go mbeidh a fhios againn céard atá ag dul ar aghaidh ach na saolta seo feictear dom go bhfuil muid ag fáil an iomarca eolais i rith an ama. Ní dhéanfaidh sos cúpla uair an chloig dochar duit. The excerise will help with your mental health as well. There is so much uncertainty at the minute which is increasing everyone’s frustrations, worry and concerns. I would suggest that you get off social media for a little while every day and don’t spend too much time reading the news. It is important that we know what is going on around us but there is definately a point where we need to step away and not read too much. A few hours break won’t make much of a difference! It’ll all be there when you get back! Má shíleann tú go bhfuil an-chuid imní agus strus ort b’fhéidir go d’fhéadfaidh tú labhairt le duine éigin ar an bhfón nó le duine éigin atá sa teach leat mar gheall air, cabhraíonn sin len é a laghdú uaireanta. If stress or worry is a big issue for you during these troubling times maybe you could call someone on the phone and talk to them about it, or maybe there is someone else in your house that you could talk to. Discussing our fears and worries can help to reduce them. Agus dár ndóigh mholfainn triail a bhaint as an aireachas. Is rud é an aireachas a deir daoine nach bhfuil an t-am acu tabhairt faoi agus más sin an leithscéal atá agat féin ní fhéadfaidh tú deis níos fearr a fháil! Tá go leor ar YouTube mar gheall air, físeáin a dhéanfaidh cur síos air agus físeáin a dhéanfaidh píosa aireachais duit agus mholfainn an aip Headspace duit. Is aip iontach é seo a mhíníonn céard é an aireachas, cén caoi le tabhairt faoi agus a thugann seisiúin aireachais 10 nóiméad, 15 nóiméad agus 20 nóiméad duit. Is bealach iontach maith é sin le do chleachtas féin a thosú. And then, of course, I would suggest that you try mindfulness. One of the main excuses people use for not trying mindfulness is that they don’t have time, and if that is your excuse, what better time to start. There is a lot of videos on YouTube that explain what exactly meditation is and the science behind it, and then there are lots of recorded meditations on YouTube as well. I would also recommend the app Headspace. This is a great app which explains mindfulness and what it is and it offers you 10 minute meditations, 15 minute meditations and 20 minute meditations and it is a great way to start your own practice. Má tá ceisteanna ar bith agat nó más maith leat rang nó ceachtanna liom ar Skype nó Whatsapp cuir scéal chugam anseo nó tríd an leathanach Facebook, Solas Relaxation agus Relax Kids. Ach idir an dá linn, tabhair aire daoibh féin agus bí cúramach agus fan slán! If you have any questions or would like a class or session with me via Skype or Whatsapp, send me a message here or through my Facebook page, Solas Relaxation agus Relax Kids. And in the meantime, look after yourselves, be careful and stay safe! Tamall fada anois ó go raibh mé ag scríobh anseo. Mo mhíle leithscéal faoi sin! An t-am deireanach gur chuala sibh uaim ná mí Meán Fómhair, sular thosaigh mé ag obair anseo i nGaillimh i gceart agus tá go leor leor i ndiaidh tarlú ó shin. Sin an fáth is dóigh nach bhfuil sibh i ndiaidh cloisteáil uaim le píosa anois.
It’s been a while since I have written here and my sincere apologies for that! The last time I wrote was in September, which was before anything had really started here in Galway and a lot has happened since then, which is probably the reason for the silence on my end! Thosaigh mé sa choláiste i mí Dheireadh Fómhair agus chríochnaigh mé mo chéad théarma de chéim in síciteiripe agus comhairleoireacht le marcanna maithe. De bharr na céime sin chuaigh mé go comhairleoir mé féin ar feadh 13 seachtain agus d’fhoghlaim mé an t-uafás fuaim féin. I started college in October and I have now finished my first term in my psychotherapy and counselling degree with good marks. One of the requirements of the degree is that we go to a counsellor so I have been seeing my counsellor for 13 weeks. I have learnt so much about myself and my life in that time! B’fhéidir gur d’fhoghlaim mé féin barraíocht taobh istigh de achar gairid mar tháinig tinneas orm ag tús na bliana agus seo an chéad seachtain sa bhliain go bhfuil fuinnimh ceart agam arís agus nach bhfuil fonn múisce orm. Ag teacht go deireadh an tinnis, bheartaigh mé go raibh baint ag an obair ar fad atá ar bun agam leis an gcomhairleoir agus sa choláiste leis an tinneas. Bhí mé i ndiaidh cúpla mothúchán mór a mhúscailt ionam féin le cúpla mí anuas agus chuile uair go raibh mé ag dul ar ais go dtí an comhairleoir bhí mé ag foghlaim rudaí nua fuaim féin agus ní raibh an t-am agam obair tríd na rudaí a bhí foghlamtha agam an tseachtain roimhe. I may have learnt a little too much in that short amount of time as I got sick at the beginning of the year and this week is the first week since the beginning of 2020 that I have felt normal again. I was sick for five weeks in total and I almost don’t know myself without a feeling of tiredness and nausea all the time! A few weeks into the sickness I decided that the counselling and the degree probably had something to do with it. Over the 13 weeks I accessed and learnt about some really big emotions and was going through them, while also learning new things about myself every time I went to see the counsellor. Cé go bhfuil sé riachtanach dom freastáil ar an gcomhairleoir don chúrsa seo, tá mé ar sos cúpla seachtain anois uaidh. Thuig mé agus mo chorp go raibh an sos seo uaim agus thug sé am dom forbairt agus fiosrúcháin cheart a dhéanamh ar na rudaí a d’fhoghlaim mé go dtí seo. Rachaidh mé ar ais go dtí an comhairleoir an tseachtain seo chugainn ach tá plean agam an uair seo. Tá a fhios agam cén rudaí atá mé ag iarraidh a phlé agus céard iad na bealaí gur mhaith liom féin dul. Despite the fact that counselling is a requirement for the course, I am taking a break for a few weeks from it all. The break has been great! It has allowed me to process all of the things I have already learnt and it has given my body time to recover. I am planning on going back to counselling next week but this time I have a plan. I know what I want to talk about and I know which way I want to go with it all. Thug an sos faoiseamh dom ó thaobh intinne de agus go fisiciúil. Fuair mé amach an tseachtain seo caite go bhfuil ganntanas iarainn agam agus thug sin tuilleadh faoisimh dom agus mé in ann piolla a thógáil do sin! Ní bean mór piollaí mé de gnáth ach beagnach seacht seachtain d’easpa fuinnimh agus tinnis agus tá mé réidh do chúis fhisiciúil gur féidir liom leighis le piolla! The break gave me a mental and physical break and last week I found out that I am lacking iron. My first thought was ‘Oh thank God, I can take a pill for that!’ I am not a big fan of pills and doctor prescribed medication but five weeks of being sick and lacking any energy and I was fully ready to embrace tablets! Tá mé ag baint suilt as an gcoláiste in anneoin an tinnis. Tugann sé deis dom foghlaim fuaim féin agus faoi dhaoine eile agus mo chaidreamh leo. Tá orm rudaí nua a dhéanamh agus mé féin a bhrú as m’áit bheag chompordach chomh maith. An deireadh seachtaine seo caithfimid suigh os comhair an ranga agus ligint orainn féin gur comhairleoir muid agus tabharfaidh siad marcanna dúinn bunaithe ar an rud a dhéanann muid. Tá faitíos an domhain orm seo a dhéanamh ach tá mé ag dul i ngleic leis tríd na smaointe sin a sheachaint! Níl mé cinnte an rud maith nó olc é sin ach is cuma liom ag an bpointe seo! I am enjoying college, despite my illness. It is giving me an opportunity to learn about myself and other people and my relationship with them. It is forcing me to do new things and to push myself out of my comfort-zone. This weekend we have to sit in front of the class and pretend to be counsellors and they will mark us on how we get on. I am really nervous about having to do this, but for the most part I’m dealing with my nerves by ignoring them! I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing to do but I don’t really care right now! Anuas ar sin ar fad, tá mé i ndiaidh cúrsa sé seachtain aireachais a mhúineadh in ocht mbunscoil agus meánscoil amháin i gConamara ó thuas na scoilbhliana, a bhuíochas le Tuismitheoirí na Gaeltachta. D’éirigh go han-mhaith leis na ranganna agus tá mise agus na scoileanna an-sásta leo. Thosaigh mé ag imirt badminton arís freisin agus bhain mé duais ag dhá chomórtas! Sílim gurb é an badminton an rud is mó atá ag cabhrú liom agus mé ag streachailt leis an gcomhairleoireacht. Is breá liom go dtugann sé deis dom gan smaoineamh ar aon rud ach an cluiche os mo chomhair agus is léir nach bhfuil mé ródhona aige ach an oiread! And on top of all of that, I have taught 6 week mindfulness courses in eight primary schools and one secondary school in Conamara sin the beginning of the school year, with thanks to Tuismitheoirí na Gaeltachta. The courses went really well and I and the schools are really happy with them. I also have gone back to playing badminton and I won prizes in two different competitions. I think badminton is what is helping me the most as I deal with the internal turmoil of counselling. I love that I can go to training and completely focus on the game in front of me, and I’m obviously not too bad at it either! Tá a fhios agam go bhfuil muid roinnt seachtainí i ndiaidh 1 Feabhra, Imbolc ach mothaíonn an tseachtain seo mar Imbolc dom féin – tá mé tagtha ar ais chugam féin agus in ann tabhairt faoin saol agus faoin obair mar is ceart arís! I know we are a few weeks from 1st February, Imbolc but this week feels like my own little Imbolc. I feel more energetic and more able for life again! De réir an chaipitleachais níl mé úsáideach sa sochaí seo muna bhfuil mé ag obair i gcomhair airgid, airgead dom féin nó do dhuine eile. Mar mhúinteoir aireachais agus duine a bhíonn á cleachtadh tá mé ag foghlaim agus ag múineadh do dhaoine conas teacht ar ais chucu féin, conas éisteacht lena gcorp féin. Mar bhean, ciallaíonn sin gur ar a laghad uair sa mhí deir mo chorp liom gur ceart dom níos mó sosanna a ghlacadh, gur ceart dom níos lú a dhéanamh, nár cheart dom a bheith ag rith thart ar t-am ar fad. Tá an matán sin, gan a bheith ag déanamh neart rudaí nuair nach bhfuil do chorp in ann dó, cosúil leis na matáin ar fad atá againn; caithfimid é a chur ag obair roinnt mhaith uaireanta sula mbeidh sé láidir. Tá mé ag déanamh forbairt ar an matán ach níl sé éasca, go háirithe nuair atá an sochaí thart orm ag insint dom nár cheart dom, choíche. Léigh mé in áit éigin le déanamh gur féidir leat a aithint má tá an caipitleachas glactha isteach ionat go fochomhfhiosach más rud é go gcuireann tú do luach ar fad sa mhéid airgead a shaothraíonn tú.
Capitalism tells me that I am not useful unless I am working to make money, either for myself or for someone else. As a mindfulness teacher and practitioner, I am learning and teaching others to listen to their body and as a woman, this means that at least once a month my body is telling me to slow down, to take it easy, to rest. I am developing my listen to my body muscle but it’s hard, especially when I have capitalism all around me telling me that I need to be busy, that not being productive means that I am wasting valuable time. I saw somewhere recently that you know you have internalised capitalism when you associate your worth with how much money you make. Le dhá bhliain anuas, tá mé ag foghlaim faoin míostrú agus an rud is mó a d’fhoghlaim mé ná má ghlacaim sos le linn agus roimh an mhíostrú tá mé in ann obair níos fearr agus níos fiúntaí a dhéanamh an chuid eile den mhí. Le deich lá anuas nó mar sin, chuir mé an-aithne ar mo tholg agus ní dhearna mé mórán eile. Uaireanta, le linn an chéad seachtain sin thuig mé go raibh an míostrú ag teacht (bhí mé seachtain luath ach d’athain mé na comharthaí) agus bhí mé ag mothú ceart go leor faoin easpa oibre a bhí mé ag déanamh nó faoin sos a bhí a glacadh agam, ag amanna eile mhothaigh mé ciontach. Tháinig mo chara tí abhaile cúpla lá agus d’fhiafraigh sé díom céard a bhí ar bun agam an lá sin. Ní raibh sé ag déanamh breithiúnais orm, díreach ag cruthú comhrá ach ghlac an ciotachas seilbh orm. I have been learning about my menstrual cycle for the past two years and one of the biggest things I have learnt is that if I listen to my body before and during my bleed time and rest, then I can be more productive for the rest of the month. I have spent the past ten days or so doing the bare minimum and I have gotten to know my couch a lot better. Sometimes, during that first week of my resting I thought that my period was coming (we were a week earlier then I expected) and I was OK with my unproductivity (as capitalism would call it) or rest (as I prefer and am trying to remember to call it) and other times I felt guilty. My housemate came home a few days and asked what I’d been up to that day. He wasn’t judging, just making conversation but my guilt took over. I mo ról mar mhúinteoir aireachais tá mé ag iarraidh ar dhaoine éisteacht lena gcorp féin, tá mé ag iarraidh orthu fáil amach céard atá ag tarlú iontu féin agus éisteacht leis sin. Muna féidir liom sin a dhéanamh dom féin ní féidir liom iarraidh ar dhaoine eile é a dhéanamh. Aithníonn daoine muna bhfuil tú ag déanamh an rud atá tú ag iarraidh orthu a dhéanamh. Níl a fhios agam conas a n-aithníonn siad é ach aithníonn. But as a mindfulness teacher I am teaching people to listen to their bodies more, I am asking them to check in with themselves and to see what is going on for them. If I cannot do that myself, how can I convince anyone else that it is a good idea. I am a firm believer in practice what you preach; people know if you walk the talk. I don’t know how they know but they know. An áit is deacra dom mar gheall ar seo ar fad ná cúrsaí spóirt. Is breá liom ag imirt spóirt. D’imir mé an-chuid cineáil éagsúil ó haca ar scoil go badmantan, Uasfhríosbaí agus bhíodh mé i mbun kickboxing i mBéal Feirste go dtí gur d’fhag mé ansin i mí Meitheamh. Is breá liom ag dul ag traenáil agus mar sin, fiú má tá mo chorp ag rá liom nár cheart dom dul, uaireanta téim ar aon chuma. Is maith liom nósanna a bheith agam agus má tá sé de nós agam dul go badmantan oíche Luain, tá mé ag iarraidh dul oíche Luain, fiú muna bhfuil mo chorp in ann dó. An tseachtain seo, ní dheachaigh mé agus bhí mé bródúil gur éirigh liom gan dul ann. An mhí seo chugainn b’fhéidir go rachaidh mé ach feicfimid! Agus muna n-éiríonn liom chomh maith céanna an mhí seo chugainn, déanfaidh mé iarracht gan a bheith róchrua orm féin! One of the main areas in all of this, rest when you need it, that I fall down is weekly exercise. I love playing sports. I have played lots of different sports from hockey in school, to badminton, Ultimate Frisbee and I did kickboxing in Belfast until June when I left. My love of these sports means that I usually want to go to training, even if my body doesn’t always want me to. Humans are creatures of habit and if I have the habit of going to badminton on a Monday night then I want to keep that habit up, even if I amn’t feeling fully up to two hours of running around a court. This week however, I managed to tell myself that I would only make my cold and menstrual pains worse if I did go to training. It’s a monthly struggle, one that I have failed at repeatedly but sometimes mistakes are really fun so it takes a few goes before you realise that it was a bad idea in the first place. This month my body won and I skipped training, next month I may or may not be as strong but I am noticing more and more what my body needs and the more I practice listening to it, the easier it gets. Luaigh mé sa bhlag deireanach go raibh mé faoi strus. Níl an strus céanna orm anois ach níl sé imithe go hiomlán. Fiú inné agus lá álainn agam cois fharraige ag siúl agus ag léamh agus ansin mhothaigh mé teannas i mo ghiall. Ní sin an chéad uair gur mhothaigh mé teannas ansin ach ní i gcónaí go dtugaim faoi deara go bhfuil sé ann ach thug mé faoi deara inné. Mhothaigh mé an teannas agus bhí mé ag iarraidh tuiscint a fháil ar an bhfáth go raibh sé orm. níor éirigh liom é a thuigmháil agus mar sin glacaim leis gur strus fo-chomhfhiosach a bhí ann. An strus is measa...
I mentioned in the last blog that I was stressed. I amn’t as stressed now but it hasn’t gone completely. Even yesterday, I had a lovely day by the sea reading and walking and then suddenly I felt this tension and tightness in my jaw. This isn’t the first time my jaw has taken the brunt of my stress but I don’t always notice that ith as happened. I noticed yesterday though so I started wondering what exactly had caused it. Unconscious stress I decided, the worst kind of stress... Tá sé ráite agam cheana go bhfuil sé deacair bogadh go háit iomlán nua. Shíl mé b’fhéidir go raibh sé níos deacra domsa os rud é nach bhfuil fíor-post agam ach ansin d’inis mo chara tí liom gur mhothaigh sé mar an gcéanna nuair a bhog sé go Gaillimh ar dtús agus bhí post aige anseo. Chuir sin ar mo shuaimhneas níos mó mé. Ar feadh tamaill…. I have said before that it is difficult to move to a completely new place. I had thought that maybe it was more difficult for me as I don’t have a real job. My housemate gave me some perspective on that though; he told me that he had struggled a lot when he first moved to Galway, despite having a job when he moved. Nuair atá tú faoi strus nó feargach nó díreach faoi ghruaim rud a ghlacfaidh ar ais go háit níos dearfaí thú ná smaoineamh ar na rudaí maithe atá agat i do shaol. Tá an nós nádúrtha ag an gcine daonna díriú ar drochrudaí i gcónaí ach má smaoiníonn tú ar an saol go ginearálta tá mé lán cinnte go mbeidh roinnt rudaí maithe ann chomh maith. Bhí mé ag labhairt le cara liom seachtain ó shin agus bhí mé ag insint dó faoi na fadhbanna atá agam agus ansin dúirt sé ‘Conas atá rudaí sa teach?’ agus chuir sin stop liom. Tá rudaí iontach sa teach. Teach deas atá ann, i gceantar ciúin agus réitím go maith le mo chairde tí. Tá rudaí ar dóigh sa teach. Rith sé liom ansin, b’fhéidir go bhfuil rudaí maithe eile i mo shaol faoi láthair agus nuair a d’athraigh mé na spéaclaí a bhí orm go spéaclaí níos dearfaí d’athraigh chuile rud! When you’re stressed, angry or just feeling a bit down something that can immediately change your mood is to think of good things that you have in your life. It is part of the human condition to think of the bad or negative things but if we can change our focus onto what is going well for us then it can completely change your mood. I was talking to a friend of mine a week ago and I was talking about all of the difficulties I am having at the minute. He then said ‘How are things in the house?’ and that stopped me. Things are great in the house. It’s a nice house in a quiet area, my room is great and I get on with my housemates. Things are really brilliant in the house. I then thought about all of the good things that I have in my life right now and once my glasses had been switched for a more positive pair everything changed! Tá nós agam gach oíche trí rud atá mé buíoch dóibh a scríobh síos ach le tamall anuas bhí mé i ndiaidh dearmaid a dhéanamh ar luach an nóis seo agus chuir an cara sin é i gcuimhne dom arís. Anois, agus mé ag smaoineamh siar ar mo lá glacaim níos mó ama agus mothaím na rudaí atá mé ag smaoineamh orthu. Tugaim faoi deara na háiteanna i mo chorp atá mé in ann na rudaí deasa, na rudaí dearfaí a mhothú ionam féin agus tá sin i bhfad níos luachmhara ná díreach rudaí a scríobh síos agus dearmad a dhéanamh orthu láithreach bonn i ndiaidh. One of my evening practices is to write down things that I am grateful for from that day. I have been doing this since I came to Galway but I had forgotten the reason tor doing it. I had forgotten that I need to really sit with my list and I really need to feel what is going on inside me when I think about all of these wonderful things. I remembered that this is where the real gold is in this exercise! D’iarr mo mhúinteoir agus mo chara Jenny Grainger orm cúpla mí ó shin conas a mhothaíonn sé nuair a suíonn tú sa spás le ‘níl an freagra agam, níl an todhchaí ar eolas agam’? agus bhí a fhios agam ag an am agus tá a fhios agam go maith anois – tá sé uafásach!
My mentor and friend Jenny Grainger asked me a few months ago ‘How does it feel to sit in the unknown?’ and I knew and the time and I still know now; it’s awful! Thosaigh mé ag scríobh an bhlag seo ar maidin ach de réir mar a lean rudaí ar aghaidh bhí mé faoi strus agus níor éirigh liom é a chríochnú. Bhí mé faoi strus agus ní raibh mé in ann mo bhlag atá dírithe ar strus agus buairt a chríochnú toisc go raibh mé féin faoi strus…. Níl an strus ar fad imithe anois ach mothaím níos fearr ach bhí orm labhairt go dian liom féin! Tá mo charr sa mheicneoir toisc gur theip air san NCT ar maidin. Bhí sé ar intinn agam dul ar ais go traenáil bhadmantain a d’fhreastail mé air na blianta ó shin nuair a bhí cónaí orm anseo cheana. Gan charr bheadh orm siúl chuige, rud a ghlacfaidh 30 nóiméad orm. Níor d’fhreastail mé ar an traenáil seo le blianta agus ní dhearna mé aon aclaíocht le trí mhí anuas, mar sin, tá mé neirbhíseach go maith faoi. Bhí mé neirbhíseach nach mbeadh mé in ann don oíche ar fad agus an siúlóid curtha díom freisin. Ansin, rith sé liom nach raibh aon airgead tirim agam agus mar sin bhí orm siúlóid 30 nóiméad a dhéanamh le teacht ar ATM le hairgead a fháil. Ar mo bhealach ar ais, bhí mé ag smaoineamh ‘má tá mé sa bhaile faoin am seo beidh x méid ama agam le dinnéar a dhéanamh agus mo scíth a ligint sula mbeidh orm fagáil arís. An meastú go mbeidh mé in ann dó?’. I started writing this blog this morning but as things went on I was stressed and didn’t manage to finish it. I was stressed and I wasn’t able to write my blog post about anxiety and stress… That stress hasn’t gone away but I do feel better now, after I talked myself off a ledge. My car is with the mechanic because it failed the NCT this morning. I had been thinking that I would like to go back to a badminton club night training that I used to attend when I lived in Galway before tonight but without the car I would have to walk the 30 minutes there. I haven’t been to this training or played badminton in years and it has been 3 months now since I did any exercise and I am nervous about going back. I wondered if I would be able to keep up, especially after a 30 minute walk. I then realised that I didn’t have cash, so I had to walk 30 minutes the other direction to find an ATM. On the way back I was thinking ‘if I am at home by this time, I’ll have x amount of time to make dinner and then I should be able to relax a bit before I have to go. I’m not sure if I’ll be able for it.’ Chuir mé stop liom féin ansin. Beidh neart oícheanta traenalá eile ann. Níl seo ach tús mí Meán Fómhair, rachaidh tú ann níos moille sa tseachtain. Ní gá duit chuile rud a dhéanamh ag aon am amháin. Chas mé thart agus chuaigh mé isteach go caifé agus bhí tae agam. Shuigh mé ansin ar feadh uair an chloig ag labhairt mé le mo mháthair ar an bhfón. Sos deas a bhí ag teastáil! I stopped myself there. There will be lots of other training nights, we’re only at the beginning of September right now, you can go later in the week. You don’t have to do everything at the one time. I turned around and I bought a tea and sat in a café for an hour talking to my mum on the phone. A much needed break! Níl buairt orm féin ach sílim anois b’fhéidir go mbíonn babhtáil orm. De bharr sin tá mol mór measa agam d’éinne a bhíonn ag fulaingt dá bharr mar is ceart. Wow! Níl a fhios agam conas atá sibh in ann maireachtáil, níl mé cinnte go d’fhéadfaidh mise! Thug mé faoi deara an tseachtain sular ndeachaigh mé ar saoire go raibh mé faoi strus. Bhí mé faoi strus ag an gcarr. Tá mé ag ath-thosú uimhirchláir deisceartach agus má tharlaíonn ag am éigin go mbeidh rogha agam idir sin a dhéanamh arís nó mo lámh féin a ghearradh as le scian ghearrfainn mo lámh gan smaoineamh air. Crá chroí atá sa rud ar fad ach thug mé faoi deara chomh luath is a bhí m’intinn réidh le fadbhanna an charr bhog sé ar aghaidh go dtí rud éigin eile. Cé nach raibh, agus níl go fóill, an carr socraithe bhí leadrán ar m’intinn agus bhí sé ag iarraidh a bheith buartha faoi rud éigin eile. Bhí mé ag éirí buartha faoi rudaí aisteacha. Oíche amháin, agus mé muscailte le linn na hoíche tháinig an smaoineamh chugam ‘má tá an oiread seo strus orm, tosóidh mo chorp ag troid i mo choinne agus beidh leithéid Lupus orm’. Nuair a chuala mé an smaoineamh sin thuig mé go raibh mé imithe go hiomlán. I don’t have anxiety but I think that I can have periods of anxiety and as a result of this realisation I have so much more respect for anyone who actually suffers from anxiety on a constant basis. Wow! I don’t know how you live normal lives, I am not sure that I would be able to. I noticed the week before I went on holidays that I was stressed. I was stressed about the car. I am reactivating a southern registration plate and if it so happens in the future that I am given the choice between doing this again and sawing my own arm off with a knife, I will say goodbye to the arm without even thinking about it. The whole thing is a headache but at that time, I noticed that when my mind was bored with one ‘problem’ it moved onto another one. My car wasn’t and still isn’t sorted but my mind had moved onto the next thing it could worry about. I was then getting worried about random things. One night I thought ‘maybe if I continue being super stressed I’ll get some sort of an autoimmune disease like Lupus. When I heart that I knew I was completely gone! Ach rud mór domsa ag an bpointe sin, ná gur aithin mé an smaoineamh, d’aithin mé gur smaoineamh a bhí ann agus gur rud craiceáilte a bhí ann le bheith ag smaoineamh air. Gabhaim buíochas as mo chleachtadh aireachais as sin. Gan an cleachtadh sin agus gan an aithne atá agam orm féin, ní bheadh a fhios agam fiú go bhfuil mé faoi strus. Nuair a bhí mé san ollscoil agus sa bhliain dheireanach ar scoil dhúisigh mé le linn na hoíche agus níor thuig mé ar chur ar bith cén fáth, agus mar sin ní raibh mé in ann aon rud a dhéanamh faoin bhfíorchúis. Anois, níl mé in ann an bhuairt a bhaint go hiomlán ach feicim é, aithním é agus tá mé in ann, uaireanta seasamh siar uaidh. The big thing for me at that moment was that I was able to notice the thought for what it was; a crazy thought, a thought that may or may not be true as not all of our thoughts are true. I have this ability to identify thoughts largely due to my mindfulness practice which I have so much appreciation for. Without that practice and without my own self-awareness which also comes from that practice I wouldn’t know that I am stressed. When I was in college and in my final year in school I used to wake up during the night and not know why I was awake. I now know why I was and am awake at all hours and I am therefore able to do somethings to help me with it. Mar a dúirt mé, níl an strus agus buairt a bhí orm roimh na laethanta saoire imithe go hiomlán; tá mé go fóill ag socrú an chairr, níl mórán teacht isteach agam faoi láthair agus mar aon leis sin, níl mórán oibre agam ach díreach ansin, fuair mé mo chéad íocaíocht don chiorcal na mban a bheidh á reáchtáil agam don Ghealach Lán níos déanaí an mhí seo – comhartha mhaith atá ansin dár liomsa! Ach chuir an bhuairt seo ar fad scéal Jenny (thuasluaite) agus Eoin i gcuimhne dom. Bhog an bheirt acu as Éireann agus chuaigh siad go dtí an Fhrainc gan aon phlean a bheith acu agus is féidir leat an rud ar fad a leanúint anseo ar an gcainéal YouTube ach domsa anois, tá an bogadh ar fad thart, tá mé san áit nua anois agus anois caithfidh mé suigh san áit sin nuair nach bhfuil a fhios agam céard atá romhaim sa todhchaí agus áit míchompordach atá ann ach má tá mé airdeallach ar mo smaointe, má leanaim le mo chleachtas aireachais (go háirithe le linn na hoíche nuair nach bhfuil mé in ann codail) beidh me i gceart…nach mbeidh??! As I said, my stress and anxiety are not gone; I am still sorting out the car, I still don’t have much money coming in and I don’t have much work but I just got my first payment for my Women’s Full Moon Circle that is happening for the full moon later this month so I am taking that as a good sign! But my anxiety reminded me of Jenny (mentioned above) and Eoin’s story. They moved from Ireland to France without much of a plan and you can follow their whole story on their YouTube channel but for me now, the moving is over, I am now in Galway and now all that is left to do is to sit in the unknown and it is really uncomfortable! But I am aware of my thoughts and if I continue with my mindfulness practice (especially during those sleepless nights) I’ll be OK…right??! |
AuthorKatie McGreal, bunaitheoir Solas Relaxation/the founder of Solas Relaxation Archives
July 2020
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