De réir an chaipitleachais níl mé úsáideach sa sochaí seo muna bhfuil mé ag obair i gcomhair airgid, airgead dom féin nó do dhuine eile. Mar mhúinteoir aireachais agus duine a bhíonn á cleachtadh tá mé ag foghlaim agus ag múineadh do dhaoine conas teacht ar ais chucu féin, conas éisteacht lena gcorp féin. Mar bhean, ciallaíonn sin gur ar a laghad uair sa mhí deir mo chorp liom gur ceart dom níos mó sosanna a ghlacadh, gur ceart dom níos lú a dhéanamh, nár cheart dom a bheith ag rith thart ar t-am ar fad. Tá an matán sin, gan a bheith ag déanamh neart rudaí nuair nach bhfuil do chorp in ann dó, cosúil leis na matáin ar fad atá againn; caithfimid é a chur ag obair roinnt mhaith uaireanta sula mbeidh sé láidir. Tá mé ag déanamh forbairt ar an matán ach níl sé éasca, go háirithe nuair atá an sochaí thart orm ag insint dom nár cheart dom, choíche. Léigh mé in áit éigin le déanamh gur féidir leat a aithint má tá an caipitleachas glactha isteach ionat go fochomhfhiosach más rud é go gcuireann tú do luach ar fad sa mhéid airgead a shaothraíonn tú.

Capitalism tells me that I am not useful unless I am working to make money, either for myself or for someone else. As a mindfulness teacher and practitioner, I am learning and teaching others to listen to their body and as a woman, this means that at least once a month my body is telling me to slow down, to take it easy, to rest. I am developing my listen to my body muscle but it’s hard, especially when I have capitalism all around me telling me that I need to be busy, that not being productive means that I am wasting valuable time. I saw somewhere recently that you know you have internalised capitalism when you associate your worth with how much money you make.

Le dhá bhliain anuas, tá mé ag foghlaim faoin míostrú agus an rud is mó a d’fhoghlaim mé ná má ghlacaim sos le linn agus roimh an mhíostrú tá mé in ann obair níos fearr agus níos fiúntaí a dhéanamh an chuid eile den mhí. Le deich lá anuas nó mar sin, chuir mé an-aithne ar mo tholg agus ní dhearna mé mórán eile. Uaireanta, le linn an chéad seachtain sin thuig mé go raibh an míostrú ag teacht (bhí mé seachtain luath ach d’athain mé na comharthaí) agus bhí mé ag mothú ceart go leor faoin easpa oibre a bhí mé ag déanamh nó faoin sos a bhí a glacadh agam, ag amanna eile mhothaigh mé ciontach. Tháinig mo chara tí abhaile cúpla lá agus d’fhiafraigh sé díom céard a bhí ar bun agam an lá sin. Ní raibh sé ag déanamh breithiúnais orm, díreach ag cruthú comhrá ach ghlac an ciotachas seilbh orm.

I have been learning about my menstrual cycle for the past two years and one of the biggest things I have learnt is that if I listen to my body before and during my bleed time and rest, then I can be more productive for the rest of the month. I have spent the past ten days or so doing the bare minimum and I have gotten to know my couch a lot better. Sometimes, during that first week of my resting I thought that my period was coming (we were a week earlier then I expected) and I was OK with my unproductivity (as capitalism would call it) or rest (as I prefer and am trying to remember to call it) and other times I felt guilty. My housemate came home a few days and asked what I’d been up to that day. He wasn’t judging, just making conversation but my guilt took over.

I mo ról mar mhúinteoir aireachais tá mé ag iarraidh ar dhaoine éisteacht lena gcorp féin, tá mé ag iarraidh orthu fáil amach céard atá ag tarlú iontu féin agus éisteacht leis sin. Muna féidir liom sin a dhéanamh dom féin ní féidir liom iarraidh ar dhaoine eile é a dhéanamh. Aithníonn daoine muna bhfuil tú ag déanamh an rud atá tú ag iarraidh orthu a dhéanamh. Níl a fhios agam conas a n-aithníonn siad é ach aithníonn.

But as a mindfulness teacher I am teaching people to listen to their bodies more, I am asking them to check in with themselves and to see what is going on for them. If I cannot do that myself, how can I convince anyone else that it is a good idea. I am a firm believer in practice what you preach; people know if you walk the talk. I don’t know how they know but they know.

An áit is deacra dom mar gheall ar seo ar fad ná cúrsaí spóirt. Is breá liom ag imirt spóirt. D’imir mé an-chuid cineáil éagsúil ó haca ar scoil go badmantan, Uasfhríosbaí agus bhíodh mé i mbun kickboxing i mBéal Feirste go dtí gur d’fhag mé ansin i mí Meitheamh. Is breá liom ag dul ag traenáil agus mar sin, fiú má tá mo chorp ag rá liom nár cheart dom dul, uaireanta téim ar aon chuma. Is maith liom nósanna a bheith agam agus má tá sé de nós agam dul go badmantan oíche Luain, tá mé ag iarraidh dul oíche Luain, fiú muna bhfuil mo chorp in ann dó. An tseachtain seo, ní dheachaigh mé agus bhí mé bródúil gur éirigh liom gan dul ann. An mhí seo chugainn b’fhéidir go rachaidh mé ach feicfimid! Agus muna n-éiríonn liom chomh maith céanna an mhí seo chugainn, déanfaidh mé iarracht gan a bheith róchrua orm féin!  

One of the main areas in all of this, rest when you need it, that I fall down is weekly exercise. I love playing sports. I have played lots of different sports from hockey in school, to badminton, Ultimate Frisbee and I did kickboxing in Belfast until June when I left. My love of these sports means that I usually want to go to training, even if my body doesn’t always want me to. Humans are creatures of habit and if I have the habit of going to badminton on a Monday night then I want to keep that habit up, even if I amn’t feeling fully up to two hours of running around a court. This week however, I managed to tell myself that I would only make my cold and menstrual pains worse if I did go to training. It’s a monthly struggle, one that I have failed at repeatedly but sometimes mistakes are really fun so it takes a few goes before you realise that it was a bad idea in the first place. This month my body won and I skipped training, next month I may or may not be as strong but I am noticing more and more what my body needs and the more I practice listening to it, the easier it gets. 

Luaigh mé sa bhlag deireanach go raibh mé faoi strus. Níl an strus céanna orm anois ach níl sé imithe go hiomlán. Fiú inné agus lá álainn agam cois fharraige ag siúl agus ag léamh agus ansin mhothaigh mé teannas i mo ghiall. Ní sin an chéad uair gur mhothaigh mé teannas ansin ach ní i gcónaí go dtugaim faoi deara go bhfuil sé ann ach thug mé faoi deara inné. Mhothaigh mé an teannas agus bhí mé ag iarraidh tuiscint a fháil ar an bhfáth go raibh sé orm. níor éirigh liom é a thuigmháil agus mar sin glacaim leis gur strus fo-chomhfhiosach a bhí ann. An strus is measa...

I mentioned in the last blog that I was stressed. I amn’t as stressed now but it hasn’t gone completely. Even yesterday, I had a lovely day by the sea reading and walking and then suddenly I felt this tension and tightness in my jaw. This isn’t the first time my jaw has taken the brunt of my stress but I don’t always notice that ith as happened. I noticed yesterday though so I started wondering what exactly had caused it. Unconscious stress I decided, the worst kind of stress...

Tá sé ráite agam cheana go bhfuil sé deacair bogadh go háit iomlán nua. Shíl mé b’fhéidir go raibh sé níos deacra domsa os rud é nach bhfuil fíor-post agam ach ansin d’inis mo chara tí liom gur mhothaigh sé mar an gcéanna nuair a bhog sé go Gaillimh ar dtús agus bhí post aige anseo. Chuir sin ar mo shuaimhneas níos mó mé. Ar feadh tamaill….

I have said before that it is difficult to move to a completely new place. I had thought that maybe it was more difficult for me as I don’t have a real job. My housemate gave me some perspective on that though; he told me that he had struggled a lot when he first moved to Galway, despite having a job when he moved.

Nuair atá tú faoi strus nó feargach nó díreach faoi ghruaim rud a ghlacfaidh ar ais go háit níos dearfaí thú ná smaoineamh ar na rudaí maithe atá agat i do shaol. Tá an nós nádúrtha ag an gcine daonna díriú ar drochrudaí i gcónaí ach má smaoiníonn tú ar an saol go ginearálta tá mé lán cinnte go mbeidh roinnt rudaí maithe ann chomh maith. Bhí mé ag labhairt le cara liom seachtain ó shin agus bhí mé ag insint dó faoi na fadhbanna atá agam agus ansin dúirt sé ‘Conas atá rudaí sa teach?’ agus chuir sin stop liom. Tá rudaí iontach sa teach. Teach deas atá ann, i gceantar ciúin agus réitím go maith le mo chairde tí. Tá rudaí ar dóigh sa teach. Rith sé liom ansin, b’fhéidir go bhfuil rudaí maithe eile i mo shaol faoi láthair agus nuair a d’athraigh mé na spéaclaí a bhí orm go spéaclaí níos dearfaí d’athraigh chuile rud!

When you’re stressed, angry or just feeling a bit down something that can immediately change your mood is to think of good things that you have in your life. It is part of the human condition to think of the bad or negative things but if we can change our focus onto what is going well for us then it can completely change your mood. I was talking to a friend of mine a week ago and I was talking about all of the difficulties I am having at the minute. He then said ‘How are things in the house?’ and that stopped me. Things are great in the house. It’s a nice house in a quiet area, my room is great and I get on with my housemates. Things are really brilliant in the house. I then thought about all of the good things that I have in my life right now and once my glasses had been switched for a more positive pair everything changed!

Tá nós agam gach oíche trí rud atá mé buíoch dóibh a scríobh síos ach le tamall anuas bhí mé i ndiaidh dearmaid a dhéanamh ar luach an nóis seo agus chuir an cara sin é i gcuimhne dom arís. Anois, agus mé ag smaoineamh siar ar mo lá glacaim níos mó ama agus mothaím na rudaí atá mé ag smaoineamh orthu. Tugaim faoi deara na háiteanna i mo chorp atá mé in ann na rudaí deasa, na rudaí dearfaí a mhothú ionam féin agus tá sin i bhfad níos luachmhara ná díreach rudaí a scríobh síos agus dearmad a dhéanamh orthu láithreach bonn i ndiaidh.

One of my evening practices is to write down things that I am grateful for from that day. I have been doing this since I came to Galway but I had forgotten the reason tor doing it. I had forgotten that I need to really sit with my list and I really need to feel what is going on inside me when I think about all of these wonderful things. I remembered that this is where the real gold is in this exercise!

D’iarr mo mhúinteoir agus mo chara Jenny Grainger orm cúpla mí ó shin  conas a mhothaíonn sé nuair a suíonn tú sa spás le ‘níl an freagra agam, níl an todhchaí ar eolas agam’? agus bhí a fhios agam ag an am agus tá a fhios agam go maith anois – tá sé uafásach!

My mentor and friend Jenny Grainger asked me a few months ago ‘How does it feel to sit in the unknown?’ and I knew and the time and I still know now; it’s awful!

Thosaigh mé ag scríobh an bhlag seo ar maidin ach de réir mar a lean rudaí ar aghaidh bhí mé faoi strus agus níor éirigh liom é a chríochnú. Bhí mé faoi strus agus ní raibh mé in ann mo bhlag atá dírithe ar strus agus buairt a chríochnú toisc go raibh mé féin faoi strus…. Níl an strus ar fad imithe anois ach mothaím níos fearr ach bhí orm labhairt go dian liom féin! Tá mo charr sa mheicneoir toisc gur theip air san NCT ar maidin. Bhí sé ar intinn agam dul ar ais go traenáil bhadmantain a d’fhreastail mé air na blianta ó shin nuair a bhí cónaí orm anseo cheana. Gan charr bheadh orm siúl chuige, rud a ghlacfaidh 30 nóiméad orm. Níor d’fhreastail mé ar an traenáil seo le blianta agus ní dhearna mé aon aclaíocht le trí mhí anuas, mar sin, tá mé neirbhíseach go maith faoi. Bhí mé neirbhíseach nach mbeadh mé in ann don oíche ar fad agus an siúlóid curtha díom freisin. Ansin, rith sé liom nach raibh aon airgead tirim agam agus mar sin bhí orm siúlóid 30 nóiméad a dhéanamh le teacht ar ATM le hairgead a fháil. Ar mo bhealach ar ais, bhí mé ag smaoineamh ‘má tá mé sa bhaile faoin am seo beidh x méid ama agam le dinnéar a dhéanamh agus mo scíth a ligint sula mbeidh orm fagáil arís. An meastú go mbeidh mé in ann dó?’.

I started writing this blog this morning but as things went on I was stressed and didn’t manage to finish it. I was stressed and I wasn’t able to write my blog post about anxiety and stress… That stress hasn’t gone away but I do feel better now, after I talked myself off a ledge. My car is with the mechanic because it failed the NCT this morning. I had been thinking that I would like to go back to a badminton club night training that I used to attend when I lived in Galway before tonight but without the car I would have to walk the 30 minutes there. I haven’t been to this training or played badminton in years and it has been 3 months now since I did any exercise and I am nervous about going back. I wondered if I would be able to keep up, especially after a 30 minute walk. I then realised that I didn’t have cash, so I had to walk 30 minutes the other direction to find an ATM. On the way back I was thinking ‘if I am at home by this time, I’ll have x amount of time to make dinner and then I should be able to relax a bit before I have to go. I’m not sure if I’ll be able for it.’

Chuir mé stop liom féin ansin. Beidh neart oícheanta traenalá eile ann. Níl seo ach tús mí Meán Fómhair, rachaidh tú ann níos moille sa tseachtain. Ní gá duit chuile rud a dhéanamh ag aon am amháin. Chas mé thart agus chuaigh mé isteach go caifé agus bhí tae agam. Shuigh mé ansin ar feadh uair an chloig ag labhairt mé le mo mháthair ar an bhfón. Sos  deas a bhí ag teastáil!

I stopped myself there. There will be lots of other training nights, we’re only at the beginning of September right now, you can go later in the week. You don’t have to do everything at the one time. I turned around and I bought a tea and sat in a café for an hour talking to my mum on the phone. A much needed break!

Níl buairt orm féin ach sílim anois b’fhéidir go mbíonn babhtáil orm. De bharr sin tá mol mór measa agam d’éinne a bhíonn ag fulaingt dá bharr mar is ceart. Wow! Níl a fhios agam conas atá sibh in ann maireachtáil, níl mé cinnte go d’fhéadfaidh mise! Thug mé faoi deara an tseachtain sular ndeachaigh mé ar saoire go raibh mé faoi strus. Bhí mé faoi strus ag an gcarr. Tá mé ag ath-thosú uimhirchláir deisceartach agus má tharlaíonn ag am éigin go mbeidh rogha agam idir sin a dhéanamh arís nó mo lámh féin a ghearradh as le scian ghearrfainn mo lámh gan smaoineamh air. Crá chroí atá sa rud ar fad ach thug mé faoi deara chomh luath is a bhí m’intinn réidh le fadbhanna an charr bhog sé ar aghaidh go dtí rud éigin eile. Cé nach raibh, agus níl go fóill, an carr socraithe bhí leadrán ar m’intinn agus bhí sé ag iarraidh a bheith buartha faoi rud éigin eile. Bhí mé ag éirí buartha faoi rudaí aisteacha. Oíche amháin, agus mé muscailte le  linn na hoíche tháinig an smaoineamh chugam ‘má tá an oiread seo strus orm, tosóidh mo chorp ag troid i mo choinne agus beidh leithéid Lupus orm’. Nuair a chuala mé an smaoineamh sin thuig mé go raibh mé imithe go hiomlán.

I don’t have anxiety but I think that I can have periods of anxiety and as a result of this realisation I have so much more respect for anyone who actually suffers from anxiety on a constant basis. Wow! I don’t know how you live normal lives, I am not sure that I would be able to. I noticed the week before I went on holidays that I was stressed. I was stressed about the car. I am reactivating a southern registration plate and if it so happens in the future that I am given the choice between doing this again and sawing my own arm off with a knife, I will say goodbye to the arm without even thinking about it. The whole thing is a headache but at that time, I noticed that when my mind was bored with one ‘problem’ it moved onto another one. My car wasn’t and still isn’t sorted but my mind had moved onto the next thing it could worry about. I was then getting worried about random things. One night I thought ‘maybe if I continue being super stressed I’ll get some sort of an autoimmune disease like Lupus. When I heart that I knew I was completely gone!

Ach rud mór domsa ag an bpointe sin, ná gur aithin mé an smaoineamh, d’aithin mé gur smaoineamh a bhí ann agus gur rud craiceáilte a bhí ann le bheith ag smaoineamh air. Gabhaim buíochas as mo chleachtadh aireachais as sin. Gan an cleachtadh sin agus gan an aithne atá agam orm féin, ní bheadh a fhios agam fiú go bhfuil mé faoi strus. Nuair a bhí mé san ollscoil agus sa bhliain dheireanach ar scoil dhúisigh mé le linn na hoíche agus níor thuig mé ar chur ar bith cén fáth, agus mar sin ní raibh mé in ann aon rud a dhéanamh faoin bhfíorchúis. Anois, níl mé in ann an bhuairt a bhaint go hiomlán ach feicim é, aithním é agus tá mé in ann, uaireanta seasamh siar uaidh.

The big thing for me at that moment was that I was able to notice the thought for what it was; a crazy thought, a thought that may or may not be true as not all of our thoughts are true. I have this ability to identify thoughts largely due to my mindfulness practice which I have so much appreciation for. Without that practice and without my own self-awareness which also comes from that practice I wouldn’t know that I am stressed. When I was in college and in my final year in school I used to wake up during the night and not know why I was awake. I now know why I was and am awake at all hours and I am therefore able to do somethings to help me with it.

Mar a dúirt mé, níl an strus agus buairt a bhí orm roimh na laethanta saoire imithe go hiomlán; tá mé go fóill ag socrú an chairr, níl mórán teacht isteach agam faoi láthair agus mar aon leis sin, níl mórán oibre agam ach díreach ansin, fuair mé mo chéad íocaíocht don chiorcal na mban a bheidh á reáchtáil agam don Ghealach Lán níos déanaí an mhí seo – comhartha mhaith atá ansin dár liomsa! Ach chuir an bhuairt seo ar fad scéal Jenny (thuasluaite) agus Eoin i gcuimhne dom. Bhog an bheirt acu as Éireann agus chuaigh siad go dtí an Fhrainc gan aon phlean a bheith acu agus is féidir leat an rud ar fad a leanúint anseo ar an gcainéal YouTube ach domsa anois, tá an bogadh ar fad thart, tá mé san áit nua anois agus anois caithfidh mé suigh san áit sin nuair nach bhfuil a fhios agam céard atá romhaim sa todhchaí agus áit míchompordach atá ann ach má tá mé airdeallach ar mo smaointe, má leanaim le mo chleachtas aireachais (go háirithe le linn na hoíche nuair nach bhfuil mé in ann codail) beidh me i gceart…nach mbeidh??!

As I said, my stress and anxiety are not gone; I am still sorting out the car, I still don’t have much money coming in and I don’t have much work but I just got my first payment for my Women’s Full Moon Circle that is happening for the full moon later this month so I am taking that as a good sign! But my anxiety reminded me of Jenny (mentioned above) and Eoin’s story. They moved from Ireland to France without much of a plan and you can follow their whole story on their YouTube channel but for me now, the moving is over, I am now in Galway and now all that is left to do is to sit in the unknown and it is really uncomfortable! But I am aware of my thoughts and if I continue with my mindfulness practice (especially during those sleepless nights) I’ll be OK…right??!

Agus mé i mo chónaí i mBéal Feirste chuir mé spéis sna aireachais, sa Ghealach, mo chorp féin agus an míostriú. Le os cionn bliain go leath bhí mé ag freastáil ar chiorcal na mban le Joanne Callan in Iúr Chinn Trá. Chas muid le chéile ar an nGealach Lán gach mí agus labhair muid faoin saol, faoin éifeacht a bhí ag an nGealach orainn an mhí sin, bhíodh píosaí aireachais againn, labhair muid ar chártaí éagasúla agus phlé muid an míostriú. An samhradh seo caite léigh mé Code Red le Lisa Lister agus d’athraigh sé an míostrú dom agus an caidreamh a bhí agamsa leis agus le mo chorp féin. Thosaigh mé ag scríobh síos gach oíche cén lá den timthriall ina raibh mé air, an dáta agus conas a bhí mé ag mothú. Thosaigh mé ag tuigmháil mé féin agus mo chorp i bhfad níos fearr.

While I lived in Belfast I developed an interest in meditation, menstruation and my own body. For over a year and a half I was attending a women’s full moon circle in Newry hosted by Joanne Callan. We would meet on the full moon and we would talk about life, the moon and how it had effected on us on that particular month, we would do some meditating and we would pull some cards. Last summer I read Code Red by Lisa Lister and my relationship with my menstrual cycle and my body completely changed. Every month I started writing down what day of my cycle I was on, the date and how I felt. I started understanding myself and my body so much more.

I bhfad roimhe sin chuala mé neart faoin gcupán míostrú agus bhí sé in úsáid agam. Bhí sé níos fearr de mo chorp os rud é nach raibh ceimicí difriúla istigh ann, cosúil leis na ceimicí a chuireann comhlachtaí ar nós Always istigh sna táirgí míostrú atá acu, chomh maith leis sin bhí sé níos saoire agus níos fearr don timpeallacht ach níor thaitin sé liom mórán. Chuala mé faoi tuaillí athúsáide go d’fhéadfaidh tú a ghlanadh gach mí agus a úsáid arís ach níor thaitin an smaoineamh liom.

Way before that, I had heard a lot about the menstrual cup and I had started using it. I used it because it was better for my body as it doesn’t have all of the chemials the likes of Always put into their products but as well as that it was cheaper and better for the environment. Despite all of this I didn’t particularly like it. I had heard of reusable sanitary towels and I liked the theoretical idea of them but I didn’t know if I was up for the cleaning of them. It sounded a bit gross to me to be honest.

Bliain ar aghaidh agus is iad na tuaillí sin atá in úsáid agam gach mí agus tá siad an-éasca le húsáid agus níl aon rud deisteanach fúthu ach an oiread, mar a shíl mé go mbeadh.

A year later and I am using the reusable towels every month and I love them! They’re really easy to use and even to wash and it’s not as disgusting as I had thought it would be!

An tseachtain gur bhog mé isteach sa teach nua seo i nGaillimh bhí an míostrú agam agus, mar atá ag tarlú domsa le os cionn bliana anois, bhí an Ghealach Lán ann ag an am céanna. Ní raibh ciorcal agam le dul chuige an mhí sin, rud a chuir brón orm ach fós féin, bhí mo shearmanas féin agam sa ghairdín. Ach níor dúirt mé aon rud le mo chara tí a bhí sa chistin, mo chara tí go raibh comhrá fada agam leis díreach roimhe, ach bhí eagla orm é a luaigh leis. Ní raibh a fhios agam céard a dhéarfaidh sé, bhí mé buartha go gceapfeadh sé go bhfuil mé iomlán as mo mheabhar – agus b’fhéidir go bhfuil ach ní raibh mé ag iarraidh go mbeadh sé ag smaoineamh sin…

The week I moved into my new house here in Galway I was on my period and, as has been happening for the past year, we had the full moon as well. I didn’t have a circle to go to that month which really brought home to me how new I am to Galway but I had my own little ceremony in the garden. But I didn’t say anything to my housemate who was in the kitchen at the time, a housemate who I had had a really long conversation with just before hand but I was afraid to mention it to him. I didn’t know what he would say. I was afraid he would think I was crazy, something which is probably true but I still didn’t want him thinking that…

An tseachtain dár gcionn bhí orm mo thuaillí míostrú a nigh agus a thríomú ach arís eile bhí mé buartha faoin méid go mbeadh mo chairde tí ag smaoineamh fúthu. Fir uilig atá iontu agus níor shíl mé go dtuigfeadh siad. Rinne mé iarracht na tuaillaí a chur i bhfolach taobh thiar de m’éadaí eile, cé gur thuig mé go raibh siad le feiceáil…

The next week I had to wash and dry my towels but again, I was worried about what my housemates would think. They’re all men and I didn’t think they would understand. I tried to hide them behind other clothes as I hung them out to dry but I knew you could still see them.

Bhí bean duine amháin sa teach ann nuair a bhí mé ag baint m’éadaí ón líne.
               ‘Cén áit ar bhfuair tú iad sin?’ a d’fhiafraigh sí díom, agus í ag breathnú ar na tuaillí míostrú, ‘Tá mé ag iarraidh a léithéid a cheannach mé féin.’ Fuair mé amach gur scríobh sí aiste mar chuid den ollscoil mar gheall ar thruailliú a dhéanann táirtí míostrú agus go dtaithníonn sé an-chuid léi a bheith ag labhairt faoin míostrú. Bhí áthas agus iontas an domhain orm!

One of the lads’ girlfriend’s was over when I was taking down my washing.
               ‘Where did you get them?’ she asked looking at my towels, ‘I really want to get some myself.’ I found out that she had written an essay for college on the pollution menstrual products cause and that she loves talking about periods! I was surprised and delighted!

An rud a d’fhoghlaim mé an lá sin ná nach bhfuil a fhios agat, riamh cén rud atá éinne eile ag smaoineamh agus ba cheart duit agus dúinn ar fad, stop a chur leis an dul i bhfolach seo ar eagla nach dtuigfeadh daoine. Tá sé in am dúinn uilig seasamh suas agus a rá os ard gur seo muid agus táimid bródúil as sin!

What I learnt that day was you never really know what people are thinking and we all need to stop hiding things about ourselves that we’re afraid others will find weird. It’s time for us all to stand up and say out loud ‘This is me and I’m proud of it!’

Bhí cónaí orm i nGaillimh 7 mbliana ó shin. D’oibrigh mé mar iriseoir leis an nuachtán Gaelscéal. Fuair mé an post díreach i ndiaidh na hollscoile agus bhí seachtain nó mar sin agam le teach a aimsiú anseo, bogadh síos agus an post a thosú. Thuig mé go mbeadh carr riachtanach don phost agus mar sin bhí mé ar ais taobh thiar den roth ag iarraidh smaoinigh ar an mbealach leis an gcarr a chur ag bogadh i ndiaidh dhá bhliain de sos. Chuaigh mé ar ais go Baile Átha Cliath ar feadh 3 mhí don deireadh seachtaine ag iarraidh cairr a aimsiú. Ba iomaí uair gur d’fhag mo thuistmitheoirí mé ag an mbus oíche Dhomhnaigh agus mé ag filleadh ar Ghaillimh agus deora i mo shúile. Bhí mé ag dul ar ais go cathair nach raibh aithne agam air mórán ann agus cé gur thaitin an obair go mór liom, ní leor é.

I lived in Galway seven years ago. I worked as a journalist for the newspaper Gaelscéal. I got the job straight after college and I had about a week to find somewhere to live, move to Galway and start the job. I knew that I would need a car for work so I also had to get back behind the wheel after two years of a break. I went back to Dublin every weekend for 3 months or so looking for a car to buy and there were plenty of times that I was being dropped to the bus by my parents with tears in my eyes. I was going back to a city where I didn’t really know anyone and despite the fact that I loved the job, it wasn’t enough.

Seacht mbliana ar aghaidh agus tá mé ag bogadh ar ais go cathair atá beagán eolais agam air ach arís eile, níl aithne agam ar mórán ann. Tá níos mó aithne agam ar dhaoine is a bhí ag an am sin ach fós féin; níl nósanna agam anseo, níl eolas agam ar an teach agus níl fiú ionad oibre agam le dul chuige. Bhí an míostrú tagtha orm agus níor chodail mé go maith an oíche roimhe agus cuirim an locht ar sin freisin agus mé ag smaoineamh ar na deora a bhí agam inné agus mé ag fágáil Baile Átha Cliath.

Seven years on and I am moving back to a city that I have a little more information about but again, I don’t know many people here. I do know more now then I did then but still…I don’t know the people I live with, I don’t have a routine and I don’t even have a workplace to go to. I am on my period and I didn’t sleep well the night before and I am putting some of the blame for my tears yesterday as I left Dublin on those things.

Bhí mé sa bhaile ar feadh cúig seachtain ansin ach idir obair agus ag lorg lóistín i nGaillimh ní raibh mé ann ar feadh seachtaine iomlán. Chas mé le triúr cara liom le linn na seachtainí sin ach taobh amuigh de sin bhí mé le mo thuistmitheoirí don chuid is mó, mo mháthair go príomha. Réitím go maith le mo mháthair agus is breá liom an caidreamh atá agam léi agus b’í an chúis go raibh mé ag caoineadh inné, cé nach raibh a fhios aici. Bhí sí ar an bhfón le mo dheirfiúr atá díreach i ndiaidh leaindeáil san Astráil agus sa bhealach sin d’éirigh liom na deora a sheachaint os a comhair. Sean-nós atá agam. Is cuimhin liom ag fáil drochscéala agus ag diultú labhairt léi faoi mar ní raibh mé ag iarraidh caoineadh os a comhair.

I was at home for five weeks but between work and looking for somewhere to live in Galway I didn’t spend a full week there. I met three friends during that time but I mostly spent my time with my parents; mainly my mother. I get on well with my mum and I really like the relationship we have and she was the reason for my tears yesterday, although she didn’t know that…or about them. She was on the phone to my sister who has just arrived in Australia at the time so I managed to hide them from her. An old tradition of mine…I remember getting bad news and refusing to talk to her about it purely so that I wouldn’t cry in front of her.

Agus muid ag fás aníos glacann muid ar fad róil áirithe sa chlann. An ról a bhí agam ná gur mise an duine a bhí láidir, an duine go raibh in ann aire a thabhairt dom féin agus mar sin níl sé de nós agam a rá sa bhaile nuair nach bhfuil mé go maith. Sílim go bhfuil náire orm roimh mo mhothúcháin agus mé leis an gclann. Nuair a bhí mé níos óige bhíodh siad i gcónaí ag fiafraí dom céard a bhí cearr liom aon am go raibh mé ag caoineadh. Níor shíl mé go raibh aon fáth a bhí agam maith go leor agus mar sin stop mé ag caoineadh agus mé sa bhaile agus os a gcomhair. Tá sé suimiúil gur seo mar atá mé ag mothú go fóill agus mé ag múineadh do dhaoine go bhfuil gach mothú a bhíonn acu ceart go leor agus nach bhfuil aon rud náireach nó mícheart le mothúcháin a bheith agat. Ach is dóigh go bhfuil sé deacair nósanna a athrú agus tá sé éasca na rudaí seo a rá…

As we grow up we take on different roles within the family. The role I took on was the person who is strong and doesn’t need to be looked after, the person who is always fine so it is fairly normal for me to not say anything at home when things aren’t going well for me. I think I am embarrassed for my emotions when I am at home. When I was younger they used to ask me why I was crying and my reasons never seemed to be ‘good enough’ so I just stopped crying in front of them. I think it is interesting that I feel like this when I make a living teaching people that all of their feelings are OK and that there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way. I guess it is easy to say these things and old habits die hard…

Bhí sé suimiúil dom inné, seacht mbliana ar aghaidh agus an méid sin blianta caite agam gan a bheith i mo chónaí sa bhaile agus tá mé go fóill ag iarraidh fanacht le mo mhamaí. Thug mé an rud céanna faoi deara agus Mum de m’fhágáil ag an mbus go Béal Feirste freisin, ní raibh mé ag iarraidh fágáil, ach ag an am céanna tá a fhios agam i mo chroí istigh go bhfuil mé le bheith i nGaillimh anois.   

It was interesting for me yesterday, seven years on and more then that amount of years spent not living at home but yet I still just want to stay with my mum. I did notice the same thing happening a few times when she was leaving me to the bus to Belfast, I didn’t want to leave. But at the same time I know that Galway is where I am meant to be right now…

Dúirt cara liom an tseachtain seo caite nach síleann sí gur fíordhuine fásta atá inti. Tá post lánaimseartha aici, tá sí ina cónaí léi féin, déanann sí a dinnéar agus a níochán féin, íocann sí cáin, tá tiomáint aici ach ní fíordhuine fásta atá inti, dár léi. Cé go bhfuil na rudaí maithe seo ar fad á dhéanamh aici, agus á dhéanamh go maith, níl rudaí áirithe aici agus tá sí go hiomlán dírithe ar na rudaí sin.

My friend told me last week that she doesn’t think she is a ‘real’ adult. She has a fulltime job, she lives on her own, she makes her own dinner and does her own washing, she pays tax, she can drive but yet she is still not a ‘real’ grown up. Although she is doing all of these good things, and doing them well, she is completely focused on the things she doesn’t have.

Níl gairm ar leith aici. Faoi láthair tá sí ag múineadh Béarla do dhaoine fásta agus is maith léi é ach níl a fhios aici an bhfuil sí ag iarraidh sin a dhéanamh ‘go deo’. Tá sí ag siúl amach le píolóta. Bhí sé ag traenáil le bheith ina phíolóta nuair a chas sí leis agus tá sé anois ag obair mar phíolóta agus is maith leis é. Chomh maith leis sin tá stoc aige agus morgáiste aige. Cé go bhfuil mo chara sásta leis an méid atá aici, níl gairm sin aici agus mar sin glacann sí leis nach ‘fíordhuine fásta’ atá inti.

She doesn’t have a particular career. She teaches English to adults at the minute and she really enjoys it but she doesn’t know if she wants to do that ‘forever’. She is dating a pilot. He was training to be a pilot when she met him and now he is working as a pilot. He also has stocks and a mortgage. Although my friend is happy with what she has, she doesn’t have a particular career and therefore she presumes she’s not a ‘real’ grown up.

Má tá tú thart ar na rudaí seo i rith an ama, d’fhéadfaidh tú tosaigh ag smaoineamh gur ‘ceart’ go mbeadh na rudaí seo agatsa…ach an bhfuil na rudaí sin uait? An bhfuil tú sásta leis an méid atá agat? Nó an ea díreach toisc go síleann tú gur ‘ceart’ duit na rudaí sin a bheith agat? Díreach cúpla rud le smaoineamh orthu…

If you are around certain things all the time, you could start thinking that you ‘should’ have these things as well. But do you really want them? Are you happy with how things are for you? Is it that you’re thinking that you ‘should’ have them instead of actually wanting them? Just a few things to think about….

Níl a fhios ag mo chara cén áit ar mhaith léi a bheith ina cónaí. Tá sí sásta san áit atá sí anois ach arís, an mbeidh sí ann ‘go deo’? Ceist a chuireadh ormsa minic go leor agus mé ag insint do dhaoine i mBéal Feirste go raibh mé ag bogadh go Gaillimh ná ‘an mbeidh tú ann go deo?’ Bhí mé béasach go leor leis an bhfreagra ach i mo chloigeann bhí mé ag smaoineamh ‘céard is ‘go deo’ ann?’

My friend also doesn’t know where she wants to live. She is happy where she is living now but again, will she be there ‘forever’? When I told people in Belfast that I was moving to Galway, I was asked a few times if I would be there forever. I was generally polite in my response but I was thinking ‘What is forever…?’

Tá an sochaí i ndiaidh athraithe mór millteacha a dhéanamh. Bhí brú éigin ar mo thuistmitheoirí post buan a fháil, pósadh agus clann a bheith acu, san ord sin. Is féidir leis an mbrú sin a bheith ann go fóill, má ligeann tú dó cuir isteach ort.

Our society is changing. My parents had a certain amount of pressure on them to find a permanent job, get married and have a family, in that order. Those same pressures can be on you now, if you allow them to bother you.

Tá sé de nós ag an inchinn atá againn díriú isteach ar rudaí diúltacha. Tagann sé ón am go raibh orainn a bheith cúramach nár ith muid aon rud a d’fhéadfaidh muid a mharú nó nach ndeachaigh muid go háiteanna a raibh ainmhithe dainseáracha ann. Uaireanta is maith an rud é a bheith in ann na rudaí diúltacha a aithint ach go ginearálta, déanann muid barraíocht dó! Sílim féin go bhfuil mo chara ródhírithe ar na rudaí nach bhfuil aici i gcomparáid leis na rudaí maithe atá ar bun aici.  

The brain has the habit of focusing on negatives. This comes from our time as stone age people when we needed to be careful not to eat the poisons plants or to get caught by wild animals. Sometimes it is good to be able to identify the negatives but in general we do it way too much! I think that my friend is too focused on the things she doesn’t have, instead of being proud of the things that she does have and the things that she does well!   

I ndiaidh sin, labhair muid ar chúrsaí airgid agus go mbíonn muid beirt ag iarraidh íoc asainn féin. ‘Is duine fásta mé,’ a deirim liom féin, agus le daoine eile, ‘Is féidir liomsa mo chuid a íoc!’ Ach táimid beirt airdeallach ar an nós seo atá againn agus táimid ag obair air. Dúirt mo chara liom gur chuir sí brú uirthi féin leath a íoc agus í ag gabháil ar laethanta saoire lena fear, go dtí gur thuig sí nach raibh sí in ann sin a dhéanamh. Thosaigh sí ag tuiscint go raibh an fear sásta níos mó a íoc agus tá sí ag éirí níos compordaí faoi.

After that our conversation turned towards money and our joint need to always be able to pay our way. ‘I am a grown up! I can pay for myself!’ I say to myself and to others. But both myself and my friend are aware of this trait and we are both working on it. My friend was telling me that she was putting pressure on herself to be able to pay her half of any holidays with her boyfriend. She put herself under this pressure until she realised that she wasn’t able to do that. She started understanding that her boyfriend didn’t mind paying more and she is now becoming more comfortable with that.

Domsa, le mí anuas, agus mé i mo chónaí sa bhaile, tá mé ag caitheamh níos mó ama le mo thuistmitheoirí. Ní ligeann siad dom íoc as rudaí agus mé leo. Tuigeann siad nach ndeánaim mórán airgid le m’obair agus níl siad ag iarraidh go mbeidh mé faoi bhrú. Don chuid is mó, d’fhéadfaidh mé íoc as na rudaí a íocann siad astu ach ag an am céanna tá siad ag iarraidh agus sásta gur féidir leo cabhrú liom agus tá mé ag éirí níos compordaí ag ligint dóibh sin a dhéanamh.

For me, living at home for the past month I am spending a lot of time with my parents. They don’t let me pay for anything when I am with them. They know that I don’t make a huge amount of money and they don’t want me to but under pressure. For the most part, I could afford to pay for the things they pay for but they want to help me and they’re happy to do so, and I am getting more comfortable just letting them pay.

A leithéid de sheachtain! Dé Máirt atá ann anois agus tá mé go fóill ag teacht ar ais chugam féin i ndiaidh na seachtaine seo caite. Seachtain lán ranganna, taisteal, cairde agus grá. Nuair a smaoinigh mé ar an mblag seo a scríobh shíl mé go mbeadh croí trom agam, go mbeadh mé brónach i ndiaidh mo ranganna sna Sé Chontae a chríochnú agus cairde a fhágáil. Ach a mhalairt ar fad atá á mhothú agam. Tá croí go hiomlán lán agam!

What a week! It is Tuesday and I feel like I am still recovering from last week! I had a week full of classes, travelling, friends – old and new, and so much love! When I thought about writing this blog about the past week, I thought that I would be writing it with a heavy heart after all of my goodbyes but in fact, I have such a full heart after it all! A heart full of love and gratitude for it all!

Chomh maith le bheith ag múineadh ó thuaidh an tseachtain seo caite, bhí mé ag múineadh i gConamara freisin. Bhí ranganna agam mar chuid de chúrsa A le Coláiste Chamuis agus sílim gur thuig an chuid is mó de na scoláirí a bhí agam mé, go háirithe na scoláirí níos sine. Nuair a shiúil mé isteach sa halla sin rith sé liom nach raibh mé cinnte an raibh mé níos neirbhísí an lá sin, nó ar na laethanta gur thosaigh mé ann agus mé i mo scoláire. Tá roinnt taithí agam le déagóirí ach ní an-chuid agus cosúil le chuile dhuine, tá siad uilig difriúil óna chéile ach de bharr m’easpa taithí leo agus díreach toisc gur grúpa nua a bhí ann bhí eagla an domhain orm agus mé ag gabháil isteach le ranganna aireachais a mhúineadh dóibh. I ndiaidh an chéad rang, d’athraigh mé ord an ranga thart ach don chuid is mó sílim gur bhain siad sult as agus gur d’fhoghlaim siad rud nó dhó. Bhí an rang céanna agam do gach grúpa ach bhí gach uile rang difriúil toisc gur grúpa difriúil a bhí ann.  

As well as teaching in the North this week I was also teaching in Connemara. I was teaching mindfulness classes as part of Coláiste Chamuis’s Cúrsa A and I think the students understood some of what I was teaching! Which is always a plus! When I walked into that hall to teach I couldn’t work out if I was more nervous that day or on the days way back when when I was a student! I do have some experience with teaching teenagers but not a lot, and as well as that they’re all different, just like we are I guess! But due to my lack of experience and simply because they were a new group for me I was really nervous! After my first class I changed around the order of what I was teaching but all in all I think they enjoyed learning about mindfulness and I think some of them may have even learnt a thing or two as well! I taught the same class to every group but it was never actually the same class because it was a new group with fresh ideas and fresh eyes.

An uair dheireanach roimhe seo go raibh mé i nGaillimh, ná mí Feabhra na bliana seo. Bhí an cinneadh déanta agam go mbogfainn go Gaillimh ach bhí a fhios agam go raibh cúpla mí go fóill le dul agam. Shíl mé ag an am sin agus mé ag tabhairt cúirte ar chara liom go mothóinn níos fearr faoin gcinneadh. Go mbeadh faoiseamh nó rud éigin le mothú agam agus mé ar ais ann ach níor mhothaigh. Mhothaigh mé níos measa. Chuir an turas ar fad eagla orm; thosaigh mé ag ceistiú mé féin; b’fhéidir nach seo an áit is fearr dom, bheadh sé i bhfad níos fusa fanacht i mBéal Feirste, áit atá cairde agam agus atá fios mo bhealaigh agam….ach an uair seo, a mhalairt fad a tharla!

Before this, the last time I was in Galway was in February this year. At that point I had decided that I was moving to Galway but I knew that it wouldn’t be for another few months. I thought that going down to visit my friend would make me feel better. I thought that I would get some sort of a ‘you’ve made the right decision’ feeling but I didn’t. Being in the city made me really nervous, it made me start questioning whether Galway was where I should go, I even started wondering if I should stay in Belfast but this trip had me feeling the complete opposite!  

Bhí deis agam ranganna aireachais a mhúineadh i nGaeilge; an dhá rud is ansa liom tagtha le chéile! Cuireadh fáilte mhór romham sa choláiste agus chas mé le seanchairde agus daoine nua. Bhí brón de chineál éigin orm agus mé ag fágáil ar an gCéadaoin ach brón le croí lán a bhí ann!

I had the opportunity to teach mindfulness classes in Irish; two of my favourite things coming together. The staff at Coláiste Chamuis and Gearóid Denvir who happened to be there as well all welcomed me with open arms. I met old friends who are teaching there and I also met lots of new people. I was even a little sad to be leaving on Wednesday but I had a full heart which made the sadness feel a little better.

Ansin ar an Déardaoin, bhí mé scriosta i ndiaidh an taistil ar fad ach bhí a fhios agam go raibh lá mothúchánach romham agus mé ag fágáil slán le Bunscoil Naomh Seosamh sna Sruthán. Le linn na hoibre ar fad atá déanta agam orm féin, go háirithe le Miranda MacPherson le blianta beaga anuas, d’fhoghlaim mé neart fuaim féin. Ceann de na rudaí a d’fhoghlaim mé ná ó aois an-óg bheartaigh mé nach raibh agus nach bhfuil mé tábhachtach. Croí-chreidiúint atá ann dom agus dá bharr, de gnáth níor tharraing mé aird orm féin. Thaitin ‘Slán na hÉireannaigh’ go mór liom; sleamhnú amach an dorais gan slán a fhágáil le héinne. Ach le dul i ngleic leis an gcreidiúint seo bhí orm a rá leis na daltaí agus na múinteoirí ar fad in Naomh Seosamh go raibh mé ag fágáil agus dá bharr bhí lá deireanach álainn agam! Tugadh bronntanais gleoite dom, glacadh pictiúir agus bhí barróga go leor ann dom! Shíl mé go mbeadh mo chroí trom i ndiaidh an lae sin ach arís eile bhí mo chroí lán grá agus tá mé thar a bheith buíoch de na múinteoirí agus na daltaí ar fad! Ach go háirithe de Louise a chruthaigh an fráma álainn dom le gach dalta istigh ann! (thíos) A leithéid de thalún!

And then on Thursday, I was wreaked after all of my travelling but I knew that I had a big emotional day ahead of me in St Joseph’s. In recent years, with the help of my meditation practice and my teacher Miranda MacPherson I have learnt a lot about myself. One of the things that I learnt is that one of my core beliefs is that I am not important. I developed this belief as a young child and as a result of it I have avoided drawing any attention to myself. I really loved the ‘Irish goodbye’ of slipping out the door without saying anything to anyone. But in order to help myself break down this belief I had to tell the students and teachers at St Joseph’s that I was leaving and the result of that was that I had a lovely last day! I was given some lovely presents, had my picture taken with the students and I got lots of hugs! I thought that I would have a heavy heart after it all but I was completely the opposite! My heart was so full of love and gratitude for the students and teachers, especially for Louise who made me such a beautiful present with all of the children in it (below). What talent!

Mar a dúirt mé ag an tús, tá mé go fóill ag teacht ar ais chugam féin i ndiaidh na seachtaine ach níl an t-am agam sos a ghlacadh go fóill – tá aistriúcháin le déanamh, lóistín le haimsiú, an carr le socrú agus bhí cúpla ag cara liom an tseachtain seo caite freisin! A leithéid de sheachtain! Agus tá mé thar a bheith buíoch de na cairde ar fad atá agam timpeall na tíre a lig dom fanacht leo, chuir siad go mór leis an seachtain agus deis cainte agam leo, chomh maith leis na béiltí a tugadh dom! Mo ghrá sibh!

As I mentioned above, I am still recovering from the past week but I don’t have the time yet to take a break – I have translations to do, accommodation to find, a car to sort out and my best friend had twins last week as well! What a week! And it really wouldn’t have been the same without the fantastic friends I have all over the country that put me up, gave me a chance to catch up with them and even fed me! Thank you all! Xx

Dátheangach/Bilingual

Bhog mé amach as mo theach i mBéal Feirste seachtain ó shin. Faoi láthair tá mo stuif scaipeadh idir trí sheomra i dteach mo thuismitheoirí agus mo charr. An plean atá agam ná a bheith lonnaithe i mBaile Átha Cliath go dtí am éigin i mí Iúil nuair a bhogfaidh mé go Gaillimh. Tá mé go fóill ag múineadh i mbunscoil in Iúr Chinn Trá ar an Déardaoin agus in scoil taobh amuigh de Bhéal Feirste ar an Aoine. An tseachtain seo shroich mé Bunscoil Naomh Seosaimh sna Sruthán leis na ranganna a mhúineadh ansin nuair a thug mé faoi dheara nach raibh mo liathróid liom. Le gach rud trína chéile le seachtain anuas; idir pacáil, bogadh tí agus ag fágáil slán le rudaí áirithe ní raibh iontas orm gur rinne mé dearmad air an liathróid a bhíonn á úsáid agam sa rang tacaíochta foghlamtha.

I moved out of my house in Belfast a week ago so right now my stuff is scattered over three rooms in my parents’ house and my car. I plan on being based in Dublin until I move to Galway, sometime in July but I am still teaching in a primary school in Newry on a Thursday and in an afterschool club in North Down on Friday. This week I arrived at St Joseph’s Primary School, Bessbrook to teach my four classes when I realised I had forgotten the ball. In all of the chaos of last the week and my things being scattered everywhere I had forgotten to bring one of my props for my Learning Support class.

Tá mé ag múineadh sna ranganna uathachas agus tacaíocht foghlamtha i mBunscoil Naomh Seosaimh le dhá bhliain go leith. Nuair a thosaigh mé, ní raibh aon rud faoin uathachas ar eolas agam. Dhá mhí i ndiaidh gur thosaigh mé leo, dúirt duine éigin liom nach maith le daoine le huathachas nuair a leagann daoine eile lámh orthu. Mar chuid den rang Relax Kids déanaimid cumailt orainn féin agus ar a chéile, le cead. Sin ceann de na rudaí ab fhearr leo faoi na ranganna. Dá má rud é gur shíl mé nach n-éireoidh go maith leis an gcuid sin den rang, ní bheadh mé i ndiaidh triail a bhaint as, agus nach mórán trua a bheadh ansin!

I have been teaching in St Joseph’s Autism Specific classes and more recently in their Learning Support classes for two and a half years now. When I started I knew nothing at all about autism. Two months into my classes with them, I was told that people with autism don’t like to be touched. Part of a Relax Kids class is massage, self and peer massage with permission. It’s one of their favourite parts of the class. Had I known that ‘usually’ children with autism do not like to be touched when I had entered that classroom on the first day I wouldn’t have even tried to do massage with them and what a disappointment that would have been!

Ó gur thosaigh mé leo d’fhoghlaim mé an t-uafás faoin uathachas ach an rud is mó ná go bhfuil na páistí uilig an-difriúil agus go bhfuil rudaí éagsula ag teastáil uathu ar fad. Is maith leis an gcuid is mó dóibh gach rud a bheith mar an gcéanna sna ranganna gach seachtain agus sin an fáth gur rud mór a bhí ann nuair a rinne mé dearmad ar an liathróid. Ach ansin tá páistí eile sa rang céanna agus is maith leo má athraíonn rudaí gach seachtain. Tá roinnt páistí an-mhaith ag caint, roinnt acu a roghnaíonn gan labhairt agus cuid eile nach bhfuil in ann labhairt ar cur ar bith.

I have learnt so much about autism since I started teaching there but the biggest thing I have learnt is that each of the children with autism are different. Most of the children like to have everything exactly the same every week which is why forgetting my affirmation ball was such a big deal but in the same class I have other children who like me to change up what we do. Some of the children talk fluently, some of them chose not to speak and some of them cannot speak.

Nuair a chas mé le rang nua san ionad agus iad ag tosú ar an mbunscoil, mhínigh an múinteoir dom nach mbeadh buachaill amháin liom don chéad cúpla seachtain. D’inis sí dom nach raibh an buachaill seo in ann glacadh leis nuair a dúirt na múinteoirí leis go raibh air rudaí áirithe a dhéanamh. Bhí orthu rogha de trí rud a thabhairt dó agus roghnaigh sé ceann amháin acu le déanamh. Bhí air smacht a bheith aige féin ar an rud a bhí á dhéanamh aige agus é 4 bhliain d’aois agus ghlac na múinteoirí leis. Bhí mé ar tí caoineadh nuair a mhínigh an múinteoir seo ar fad dom. Chaill mé misneach sa chóras oideachais tamall ó shin toisc go mbíonn siad ag cur brú ar gach duine a bheith díreach mar an gcéanna. Tógáil croí atá ann ag obair sna ranganna seo agus na múinteoirí ar fad ag obair go crua le dul i ngleic pé rud a thagann chucu.
 
Six months after I started teaching there, a new group of children started with one of the teachers. It was explained to me that one of the little boys in the class wouldn’t be participating in my class for the first few weeks because he couldn’t cope with being told what to do. He had to be given a choice. So the teachers accommodated this by giving him a choice of three different activities. When I was told this I nearly cried. I couldn’t believe how much time and care was being given to one little boy. I have lost a lot of faith in the education system due to it’s ‘fit everyone into the same shaped hole’ attitude to teaching but the autism specific classes and learning support classes in St Joseph’s Primary School Bessbrook have touched my heart.

Bhí roinnt deacrachtaí ag na páistí na ranganna Relax Kids a dhéanamh ag an tús, go háirithe an cuid ag an deireadh nuair a luíonn gach duine síos ar an talamh go ciúin. Is breá liom anois ag breathnú orthu ar fad agus iad ag baint suilt as an ‘nap’ a bhíonn acu ag deireadh an ranga. Is aoibheann liom nuair a insíonn na múinteoirí dom faoi na hanálaithe móra fada atá á glacadh ag na páistí ‘mar a mhúin Katie dóibh’ nuair atá siad trína chéile. Ardaíonn sé mo chroí nuair a thagann na múinteoirí chugam ag insint dom an difir a dhéanann na cleachtais a bhíonn á mhúineadh agam do na páistí.

I love going into the school and seeing how far the children have come. A lot of them really struggled with lying still at the end of class when we first started so I love seeing them enjoy and ask if they can ‘have a nap now’. I love hearing stories about upset children arriving into school and being told to do their deep breathing ‘like Katie taught them’ and them being as right as rain afterwards. I get that warm fuzzy feeling when I hear about the difference Relax Kids is having on the children.

An tseachain seo, thuig mé níos mó ná riamh an fáth go mbíonn na daltaí ag iarraidh go mbeidh gach rud mar an gcéanna. Chuaigh mé isteach sa scoil an tseachtain seo agus bhí sé amhlaidh is go raibh mé tagtha abhaile. Bhí gach rud mar an gcéanna ann agus mhothaigh mé níos suaimhnaí láithreach. Thuig mé go mbeadh raic ann toisc nach raibh an liathróid agam don tríú rang ach ní raibh iontas orm go raibh sé dearmadtha agam.

This week I understood the students need to have order and sameness more then ever. Arriving into the school this week felt like arriving home. I had a lovely sense of sameness as I made my cup of tea in the morning and I was greeted with smiles by students and teachers alike. I knew my missing ball would cause havoc but after a chaotic week of moving and packing and goodbyes I wasn’t surprised that something had slipped. Arriving into St Joseph’s was like a breath of fresh air after my tiring, messy week.

Dátheangach/bilingual

‘With change brings grief but don’t let that grief make you think that the change is a bad thing.’

Chonaic mé sin scríofa síos ag an deireadh seachtaine agus thuig mé go maith é. Le seachtain anuas tá an bogadh seo ag mothú iontach cóngarach, tá sé cóngarach. Tá níos lú ná seachtain fágtha agam i mo chónaí anseo agus tá deireadh ag teacht go an-chuid rudaí.

I saw that quote at the weekend and it really resonated with me. For the last while this move is feeling very close and now it is close. In less then a week I will be moving out of my home here and I am starting to say goodbye to a lot of things.

Chuaigh mé go rang damhsa aréir. Bíonn an rang ar siúl ar bharr Bóthar Ormeau gach oíche Luain agus tá mé ag freastail air le os cionn dhá bhliain anuas agus is breá liom é! I mbliana bhí mé ag déanamh cúrsa ar an oíche chéanna agus mar sin ní raibh mé in ann freastail air. B’ea an tseachtain seo caite an chéad oíche go ndeachaigh mé ar ais chuige agus ar bhealach tá aiféal orm go ndeachaigh. Rud eile a bhí ann go raibh orm slán a fhágáil leis. D’fhag mé slán leis aréir; slán leis na daltaí eile, leis an múinteoir agus leis na damhsaí difriúla a rinneamar.

I went to a dance class last night. The class takes place at the top of the Ormeau Road every Monday  and I have been going for over two years now and I love it! This year I was doing a course on the same night as the class so I couldn't go. Last week was my first night back and I kind of regret going back. This is something else I have to say goodbye to. I said goodbye yesterday; goodbye to the other students, the teacher and the different dances we learnt.

Bhí mé ag smaoineamh agus mé ar an mbealach isteach an doras inné go d’fhéadfaidh mé sin ar fad a sheachaint muna ndeachaigh mé ar ais. Ní maith liom nuair a bhíonn daoine dírithe orm, nuair atá mé sa lár agus gach duine ag caint liom nó fuaim. Bheadh sé i bhfad níos éasca díreach gan dul ar ais ach mothóinn ciontach dá má rud é go ndearna mé sin agus bheadh mé i gcónaí ag smaoineamh dá ndeachaigh mé...

I was thinking as I went in the door yesterday that I could have avoided all of that. I didn't have to go back which meant I didn't have to say goodbye to it. I don't like being the centre of attention, I don't like when everyone is talking about or to me. It would have been easier to just not go back but then I would have felt guilty, I would have wondered what if...

Fuair mé amach an samhradh seo caite gur bheartaigh mé agus mé óg nach raibh mé tábhachtach. Chreid mé go raibh gach duine eile níos tábhachtaí ná mé agus nár fiú dom i gcomparáid leo. Bhí an chreidiúint seo i lár an aonaigh i mo shaol. Rinne mé cinntí bunaithe air i ngan fhios dom féin. Ach anois tá mé ag iarraidh deiridh a chur leis ach tá sé sáite ionam. Rud atá mé ag déanamh ná go bhfuil mé ag aithint amanna i mo shaol a léiríonn dom go bhfuil mé tábhachtach, go bhfuil tábhacht ag baint liom agus go bhfeiceann daoine eile é. Sin an fáth gur thuig mé go raibh orm dul ar ais go dtí an rang damhsa, sin an fáth go bhfuil mé ag iarraidh a rá le daoine go bhfuil mé ag fágáil, sin an fáth go mbeidh mé míchompordach leis ach sin an fáth go leanfaidh mé orm. Leanfaidh mé orm go dtí go mbeidh sé compordach dom.

I realised this past summer that I decided when I was really young that I wasn't important. I believed that everyone else around me was more important and that I wasn't very valuable in comparison to them. This belief has been a big player in my life. I have made decisions up until this point based on this belief without realising it. Now I want to get rid of it, but as a belief it's very deeply rooted and it's not easy. One thing that I am doing is to notice times that prove to myself that I am important, I'm noticing times that other people recognise my importance and I am slowly dissolving my warped belief. This is why I knew that I had to go back to the dance class, this is why I want to tell people that I am leaving, this is why I will be uncomfortable but  I will keep going into the discomfort until it is comfortable. 

Is breá liom na rudaí seo a fhoghlaim fuaim féin mar ansin is féidir liom é a athrú. Díreach toisc go gcreidim é ní chiallaíonn sin go bhfuil sé fíor. Mar a bhím ag rá le mo dhaltaí aireachais, díreach toisc go mbíonn an smaoineamh agat, ní chiallaíonn sin go bhfuil sé fíor.

I love finding out these things about myself because it then means that I can change it. Just because I believe it doesn't make it true. As I teach my mindfulness students; just because it is a thought you have, that doesn't make it true.

Rang kickboxing le slán a fhágáil leis oíche anocht....

I have to say goodbye to kickboxing classes tonight....

‘With change brings grief but don’t let that grief make you think that the change is a bad thing.’

Dátheangach/Bilingual

Ní shílim gur féidir leat aireachas a mhúineadh muna bhfuil tú á cleachtadh. Gach maidin bím ag canadh ar feadh 10 nóiméad, suím liom féin go ciúin ar feadh 20 nóiméad agus déanaim trí uair de EFT tapping. Leis an am ciúin seo bím in ann éisteacht le mo smaointe, mo chorp a mhothú agus tuigmháil ceart a fháil ar conas atá mé ag mothú.

I don’t think you can teach mindfulness without practicing it. Every morning I chant for 10 minutes, I meditate for 20 minutes and I do three rounds of EFT tapping. With this quiet time and space I am able to listen to my thoughts, my body and I get a real understanding as to how my body feels.

Mar thoradh ar seo, d’aithin mé ag deireadh na bliana seo caite go raibh rudaí le hathrú dom. Ní raibh a fhios agam cén cineál rudaí nó conas go n-athróidh siad ach thuig mé go raibh sé in am dom bogadh ar aghaidh, go fisiciúil. Ansin, ag deireadh mí Feabhra bheartaigh mé bogadh ar ais go Gaillimh.

As a result of this, I noticed at the end of last year that things were going to change for me. I didn’t know how or what was going to change but I did know that it was time for me to move on, physically. Then, at the end of February, I decided to move back to Galway.

Tá mé i mBéal Feirste beagnach 7 mbliana agus dá má rud é gur chas mé leis an Katie a bhog go Béal Feirste ar dtús amárach ar an sráid, ní bheadh aithne agam uirthi. D’athraigh mé go huile is go hiomlán le linn na blianta a chaith mé anseo agus beidh mé thar a bheith buíoch de na deiseanna athraithe a thug Béal Feirste dom go deo ach thuig mé ag an am sin, agus tuigim anois go bhfuil mé réidh le bogadh ar aghaidh.

I am in Belfast now for almost 7 years and if I met the Katie that moved to Belfast tomorrow on the street I wouldn’t recgonise her. I have changed so much during that years that I have spent here and I will be forever greatful to Belfast for the opportunities it has given me to change but I understood then and I understand now that it is time for me to move on.

Is as iarthar na tíre de m’athair agus chaith mé an-chuid ama ansin agus mé ag fás aníos agus ansin i ndiaidh na hollscoile bhog mé go Gaillimh ar feadh bliana. Nuair a d’imigh mé ón bpost ag an am sin, shíl mé go raibh post uaim agus dearfainn go raibh, agus sin a ghlac go Béal Feirste mé ach anois, tá an fharraige agus portaigh Conamara de mo ghlaoch ar ais. Tá mé ag rá le daoine gur bogadh anama atá ann agus gan an deis chiúin sin a bhíonn agam gach lá ní bheadh mé in ann éisteacht le m’anam agus na cogair chiúin a chloisteáil.

My dad is from the west of Ireland and I spent a lot of time there when I was growing up and then I moved to Galway for a year when I finished college. When I left the job I had at that time I thought that I needed a job and I probably did so I ended up in Belfast but now, the sea and the stony fields of Conamara ar calling me back. I am telling people that it is a soul move and without my morning practice of silence and ritual I wouldn’t have been able to hear the quiet whispers of my soul.