Tá mé ag streachailt / I am struggling

Bhí mé agus tá mé ag streachailt go mór le cúpla seachtain anuas. Tá go leor ar siúl agam leis an obair, an coláiste agus mo sheisiúin leis an gcomhairleoir, gan trácht ar an mbeirt a chaill mé le déanaí agus mar sin níor chodail mé go maith le tamall anois. Codail éadrom a bhíonn ann nuair atá mé in ann titim i mo chodail agus bíonn brionglóidí aisteacha agam, ceann aréir a scanraigh go mór mé. Dúirt múinteoir atá agam sa choláiste go mbíonn ár intinn ag labhairt linn tríd na brionglóidí seo agus creidim féin ansin, go bhfuil muid ag iarraidh ciall a dhéanamh den méid a tharla le linn an lae sna brionglóidí agus sin an fáth gur scanraigh an ceann ón oíche aréir mé.

I am and I have been struggling for a few weeks now. I have a lot on with work, college, therapy, not even mentioning the two deaths that happened too recently so I haven’t slept well for a while now. When I do sleep it’s a very light sleep and I’m having all of these weird dreams and last night’s dream really scared me! One of my tutors in college said that our dreams are messages our psyche is sending to us and that they can be an indication that our psyche is disturbed. If this is the case my psyche is very very disturbed...

Go hiondúil ní maith liom a bheith ag tógáil drugaí le fáil réidh le pian, b’fhearr liom an chúis taobh thiar den phian nó cibé a aimsiú agus é a leighis gan drugaí mí-nádúrtha...bhuel is maith liom a bheith ag smaoineamh mar sin agus ansin tarlaíonn rud éigin agus tá mé ag mothú go holc agus ag iarraidh go stopadh an pian láithreach...agus sin a tharla an tseachtain seo. Bhí mé ag smaoineamh ar bealaí difriúla go d’fhéadfaidh mé cabhrú leis an gcodail go nadúrtha agus ansin luaigh duine éigin Panadol Night liom. Níor chuala mé trácht air ach dá má rud é go d’fhéadfaidh mé codail maith a fháil leis bhí mé breá sásta triail a bhaint as agus bhí sé iontach! Níor imigh na brionglóidí ach mhothaigh mé amhlaidh is gur bhfuair mé codail maith don chéad uair le coicís.

Normally I don’t like taking meditation prescribed by the doctor or from a pharmacy. I would rather find the root cause and tackle that....bhuel that is what I like to think and then something happens and I feel like proper shite and I reach for tablets because they’re so easy, maybe too easy to access. The same thing happened this time. Someone asked me if I had tried any natural remedies for bad sleep and I said no but I had even gotten to the point of trying something not natural. She suggested Panadol Night. I’d never heard of it but wow did it and does it work! I felt like a new person yesterday after a slightly deeper sleep then I had been having. I still had my strange dreams but I felt much more like I had properly slept.

D’inis mo chara tí dom gur féidir leat a bheith gafa leis agus nuair a chuala mo mháthair gur thóg mé é bhí sí ar an bhfón láithreach ach mar a luaigh mé, tá mé ag streachailt le déanaí agus má tá seo ag cabhrú liom is leor sin. Ní bhaineann sé le héinne eile ach an oiread ach is léir nach rud a dhéanaim go coitianta agus mé ag smaoineamh an méid seo air go bhfuil an blag seo ar fad bunaithe air! Ach mhothaigh mé níos fearr agus sin an príomhrud! Tá an-seans ann go dtógfaidh mé arís iad freisin! Tá siad uaim le leanúint ar aghaidh leis an saol agus tá siúl agam má tá rud sa bhreis, tacaíocht sa bhreis uait féin go dtógfaidh tú féin é, nó go n-iarrfaidh tú ar duine éigin cabhrú leat. Táimid uilig ag streachailt, go háirithe le linn na bliana olc seo! I ndiaidh labhairt amach faoin streachailt tuigim anois go dtugann sin cead do dhaoine eile labhairt amach. Shíl mé go raibh mé liom féin ach níl mé. Táimid uilig ag streachailt inár mbealach féin.

My housemate didn’t react positively when I told her I had taken it and when my mother found out she was straight on the phone but as I have mentioned, I have been struggling. A lot and not sleeping was adding to the struggle so if taking medication helped me to get through the week then I was happy to do that. Although it is abundantly clear that I am not fully OK with my decision considering I’ve dedicated this week’s blog entirely to it... but sure look, I felt better and I’ll probably take them again. If I need it to survive right now then I need it. And that goes for everyone; we are 8 months into a global pandemic; we are in round 2 of who knows how many rounds of lockdown; if you need something to help you survive, if you need to admit that you need help or even just need to admit that you’re struggling please do it. Whatever it is. Nobody knows you better then you so please get the help and ask for the support when you need it because we all need it at some point. I have realised by being open about how much I’m struggling has given other people the permission they need to be open about their own struggles so please don’t think you are alone. I thought I was but I’m not. This year has been really shit and difficult for so many of us in so many ways. You are not the only one.