Stop m'inchinn ag obair / My brain stopped working

Bhí orm comhrá deacair a bheith agam an tseachtain seo. Bhuel, ní comhrá go díreach a bhí ann ach bhí orm iarraidh ar fhear gan labhairt liom de bharr drochrudaí a bhí ráite aige liom. Bhí faitíos an domhain orm agus mé len é a dhéanamh agus mar sin, bhí mol mór cleachtadh déanta agam i mo chloigeann ach fós féin rinne mé dearmad ar chuile rud agus mé ag seasamh os a chomhair.

I had to have a difficult conversation this week. Bhuel, it wasn’t exactly a conversation it was more me telling a man that had been inappropriate to me that that wasn’t OK. I was so nervous even thinking about it so I had rehearsed a million times in my head what I would say to him but even still, standing in front of him everything I had rehearsed went clean out of my head.

Ar bhonn bitheolaíochta luíonn sin go hiomlán le ciall ach ar dtús, beagán réamheolais.

Biologically this makes perfect sense, but first some context.

Is fear é seo a bhím thart air ar bhonn sóisialta agus le linn an dianghlasála dúirt sé rud éigin aisteach agus sách gránna liom. Ghabh sé leithscéal nuair a dúirt mé leis nach raibh sé sách maith agus dúirt sé go raibh ábhar grinn aisteach aige. Anois feicim sa fíorshaol é agus an tseachtain seo caite dúirt sé rud éigin go hiomlán as bealach liom agus stán mé air. ‘Is maith liom an mála sin’ a dúirt sé go sciobtha.

This is a man that I see in a social setting. During the lockdown he had been contacting me a lot, despite telling me that he wasn’t interested in my romantically and that he had a partner. I got at least two messages a week from him, which I answered but I never initiated it. One of the messages was really weir and a bit gross. He wrote it off as a weird sense of humour and apologised. Week 2 of being back in the social situation that I know him in and he said something completely out of order to me. When I stared at him in response he winked at me and said ‘I like the bag.’

Bhí a fhios agam ag an am go raibh mé míchompordach leis ach lean mé ar aghaidh leis an méid a bhí ar bun againn. Céard eile a bhí le déanamh...? An lá dár gcionn bhí mé ag labhairt le duine eile faoi agus nuair a chonaic mé a haghaidh i ndiaidh gur chuala sí an méid a dúirt sé thuig mé go raibh sé go hiomlán as ord agus mícheart. Bhí an darna ráitis níos measa ná an chéad cheann agus níl mé ag iarraidh smaoinimh ar an méid go d’fhéadfaidh tarlú. Bhí a fhios agam go raibh orm stop a chur leis. Ach conas? Is iomaí oíche i ndiaidh sin a chaith mé ag smaoineamh air.

I knew at the time that I wasn’t comfortable with what he had said but I just went back to what we had been doing. What else was I supposed to do...? the next day I mentioned what he said to someone else and the look of disgust and horror on her face made me realise how wrong it had been for him to say that to me. This second statement from him had been worse than the first and I don’t and didn’t want to think about where it was going so I knew I had to stop it, but how? And this question rolled around my head for about four nights.

Bheartaigh mé go labhróinn leis an chéad uair eile go bhfeicfinn é; Dé Luain a shíl mé ach bhí sin athraithe go dtí an Chéadaoin. Cúpla oíche eile gan chodail, a smaoinigh mé, ag oibriú amach céard go díreach go ndearfainn leis, buartha faoin bhfreagra a bheidh aige. Ansin mhol duine éigin dom labhairt le duine eile a bhíonn sa suíomh céanna leis agus liom. Bhí faitíos orm labhairt léi ach thuig sí go hiomlán. Thug sí tacaíocht dom. Phlé muid céard go d’fhéadfaidh mé a dhéanamh agus chuir sí bean eile ar an eolas freisin, bean eile a dúirt ‘ní raibh tú compordach agus mar sin ní raibh an méid a dúirt sé ceart go leor’. Ní raibh ceist ann faoi. Ar deireadh, bheartaigh muid gur ceart dom labhairt leis. Labhairt leis agus daoine thart orainn agus in áit gheal...

I decided that I would confront him the next time I saw him, on Monday, I thought. But Monday was then changed to Wednesday and unable to face another night of no sleep and under the advisement of another woman I spoke to someone who is in the same group myself and this man are both in. I was nervous telling her what had happened or how I felt because you never know how someone will react to something but she gave me her full support. She never questioned what I said and between the two of us we decided that I should speak to him as I felt comfortable (bhuel, relatively comfortable) talking to him.

Chomh luath is a bhí deis agam ar an gCéadaoin, tharraing mé ar leataobh é, bhreathnaigh mé sa siúl aige agus dúirt mé leis nach raibh mé compordach leis an méid a bhí ráite aige liom. ‘Céard a dúirt mé?’ a d’fhiafraigh sé. D’inis mé dó nach raibh mé len é a athrá dó ach amach anseo le cinnte a dhéanamh nach dtarlóidh sé arís níl sé le labhairt liom arís. ‘An ea an rud sin a dúirt mé mar gheall ar an mala?’ Iontas na n-iontas bhí a fhios aige. D’éirigh sé feargach ansin agus d’iarr sé orm labhairt leis níos moille. Dhiúltaigh mé agus mhínigh mé leis arís nach raibh muid ag caint a thuilleadh. Chuaigh muid ar ais go dtí an cuid eile den ghrúpa agus chuir mé miongháire ar m’aghaidh, in aithneoinn an crith i mo lámha agus mo ghuth. Bhí sé déanta agam agus ní raibh mé ach bródúil!

As soon as I had the chance on Wednesday I took him to the side, looked him in the eye and told him what he had said had been inappropriate and that it had made me very uncomfortable. ‘What did I say?’ he asked. I refused to tell him and I told him that it wouldn’t happen again because he was no longer allowed to speak to me. ‘Is it that thing I said about the bag?’ Look at that. He did know what he had said. Surprise surprise. His voice changed then and he was angry. He demanded that we talk about it later. I refused and repeated that he wasn’t allowed speak to me anymore. We went back to the bigger group and I painted a smile on my face to counteract the shake in my voice and my hands. I’d done it!

Agus anois an cuid bitheolaíochta. Nuair atáimid faoi strus níl an cuid dár inchinn a dhéanann an smaointeoireacht dúinn, an prefrontal cortex i bhfeidhm. Nuair a thuigeann ár gcolainn gur faoi strus atáimid síleann sé go gcaithfimid rith ar shiúil nó troid le cinnte a dhéanamh go dtiocfaimid slán sábhalta as an suíomh. Mar sin, nuair a bhí mé ag labhairt leis bhí neart fuinnimh agam, bhí go leor leor fuil i mo mhatáin agus bhí mé lán aidréanalín ach ní raibh mé in ann smaoineamh.

And now for the biology. When we are stressed the part of our brain that we use to think cannot function. Our bodies go into fight, flight or freeze mode when we are stressed so when I was talking to him I had lots of adrenaline coursing through my body but my ability to remember what I wanted to say had vanished.

Má smaoiníonn tú siar go dtí an uair dheireanach go raibh tú faoi strus ag déanamh scrúdaithe. Bhí staidéar déanta agat agus bhí an t-eolas agat ach os comhair an pháipéir d’imigh an t-eolas sin ar fad as do chloigeann. Is rud nádúrtha é. Agus is rud é sin a shábháil tú nuair a bhí muid amuigh ag bailiú bi siar siar siar sna blianta ach ní rud róchabhrach dúinn anois agus muid faoi strus ag rudaí eile; faoi strus ag an obair, faoi strus airgeadais, faoi strus ama. Leis an sochaí agus an domhan mar atá siad táimid ag maireachtáil faoi strus an chuid is mó den am agus is olc an rud é don sláinte.

If you think about the last time you were stressed in an exam. You had studied and you had some idea what you should right but sitting in front of the paper you couldn’t remember a thing. it’s completely natural and it is the thing that saved you from bears and the like when we were hunter gatherers but it’s not so useful now. In the world today we are more likely to be stressed about money, work, a lack of time and none of these things require us to fight, run or freeze in order to survive. People nowadays are living in constant stress which is bad for our health.

Nuair atáimid faoi strus déanann an colainn go leor leor aidréanailín agus cortisol agus ní rudaí maithe iad na hormóin seo má tá siad ionann an t-am ar fad. Nuair a bhíonn tú ag cleachtadh aireachais a rud a tharlaíonn ná go laghdóinn an strus agus muid dírithe isteach ar an anáil agus is féidir leis an prefrontal cortex téigh ar ais go dtí an áit a bhí sé agus oibríonn sé go maith. Mar sin, má tá tú in suíomh strusmhar, má tá cúpla cleachtadh agat leis an strus a laghdú déanfaidh siad maitheas de do shláinte fhisiciúil agus beidh tú in ann smaoineamh i gceart chomh maith.

When you are stressed your body makes lots of cortisol and adrenalin which is pumped around our body. These hormones can be toxic to us when we have a constant supply of them in our blood. When you practice mindfulness we can reduce the stress we are under. When you meditate you are focusing on your physical experience in that moment in time, or you are focusing on a phrase or a mantra. Doing this lowers our stress levels and returns our prefrontal cortex back to where it is supposed to be. So when you are in a stressful situation, if you have some tools or tricks to help you lower your stress levels this is good for you physically and it will help you to think more clearly in that moment as well.

Bím ag múineadh na scileanna seo le linn mo ranganna le daoine óga agus daoine fásta agus má tá suim agat iontu bígí i dteagmháil liom.

It is these skills that I teach during my classes, to adults and children to send me a message if you are interested in learning more about them.