Ag teacht amach as dianghlásail..../Coming out of lockdown...

D’imigh sin agus tháinig seo.

Bhuel! It’s been a hot minute.

Níl a fhios agam cá dtosóidh mé. Tá mé sa chistin faoi láthair le mo chos ar chathaoir toisc go bhfuil mo rúitín gortaithe agam. Mo rúitín maith agus tá mé le bogadh tí i gceann cúpla lá. Beidh sé seo suimiúil.

I’m not even sure where to start. I am currently in my kitchen with my foot propped up on a cushion because I may have sprained my ankle. My good ankle and I am getting ready to move to a new house so this is going to be interesting...

Bhog mé isteach sa teach seo ar feadh bliana. Bhí sé seo ar eolas agam ón tús ach bhí an seomra agus an suíomh agus an cíos go maith. Ag deireadh na míosa seo tagann an bhliain sin chun deireadh agus ó thús an tréimhse dianghlásala seo bhí duine amháin sa teach (a bhí bailithe abhaile ó mhí Márta) ag cur teachtaireachtaí chugam le cur i gcuimhne dom go raibh orm bogadh amach. Tá sé ag ligint air féin gur sé an tiarna talún cé nach ea. Chuir sé isteach chomh mór sin orainn gur bheartaigh mo chara tí Kevin go raibh sé féin ag iarraidh bogadh amach.   

I moved into this house for 12 months. I knew this from the beginning but the room and location are both great and the price was right but since lockdown began one of the guys in the house has been texting me on the regular reminding me that I have to move. This guy isn’t here but his presence has been very much felt. He is acting like the landlord when he isn’t the landlord. Long story short his attitude of my way or the highway while he’s not even here caused by housemate Kevin to find somewhere new to live.

Bhog Kevin amach os cionn seachtaine ó shin agus tá mo bhád tarrthála caillte agam. Bhí craic agam agus Kevin le chéile. Chuir muid aithne ceart ar a chéile. Tháinig mé tríd an dianghlásail seo toisc go raibh Kevin anseo. Bogfaidh mise i gceann cúpla lá ach fós féin tá brón orm. Tá mé brónach nach bhfuil cónaí orm le Kevin a thuilleadh. Tá brón orm gur thit an tóin amach as an teach seo, a bhí chomh álainn ar feadh tréimhse. Airím ar nós go ndeachaidh mé trí rud éigin anseo ach tá sé difriúil anois. Bhí duine éigin anseo nuair nach raibh mé ann agus bhain siad aníos na fógraí ‘Black Lives Matter’ agus ‘You are important’ a bhí sa fuinneog agam agus tá an bhagairt ann i gcónaí go dtiocfaidh an fear sin atá ag ligint air féin gur eisean an tiarna talún ar ais ag am ar bith. Tá an teach difriúil anois toisc go bhfuil Kevin imithe.

Kevin moved out just over a week ago and I feel like I have lost my life raft. Kevin made lockdown bearable and fun and it wouldn’t have been the same without him. Although I am moving now at the end of this week, I’m still sad; sad that Kevin won’t be in my new house and sad that I’m leaving a house that was really great for so long. I feel like I’ve been through something here and now it’s just different. Different because someone was here and took down my ‘Black Lives Matter’ and ‘You are important’ notices in the window. Different because there is the constant threat that the guy who has caused the situation to become toxic might come home at any minute but mostly different because Kevin is gone.

Tharla cuid mhór rudaí le linn an dianghlasail seo. Mhothaigh mé cuid mhór agus anois agus an tír ag teacht amach as airím cuid mhór rudaí eile. B’fhéidir go bhfuil an tír ag teacht amach as ach níl mise. Níl mórán ag athrú domsa, bhuel ach amháin go bhfuil mé ag bogadh tí ach ó thaobh oibre de, ó thaobh buaileadh le daoine, níl mórán ag athrú. Thug mé cuairt ar chara liom agus a cúpla atá bliain d’aois le déanaí agus níor phioc mé suas iad. Níor thug mé barróg dóibh. Ghlac sé an oiread sin asam gan na rudaí sin a dhéanamh. Mhothaigh sé neamhchineálta agus neamhnormálta ach aisteach go maith, b’ea an rud is cineáltaí go d’fhéadfaidh mé a dhéanamh.

Lockdown has been so many things and now that the country is coming out of it feels like so many other things. The country may be coming out of lockdown but I’m not. Nothing really changes for me, bhuel except that I’m moving house but workwise, meeting people-wise, having things to do-wise nothing really changes. I visited my best friend and her year-old twins last week and I couldn’t pick them up. It took everything out of me to not pick them up but I didn’t. It felt unnatural and unkind but strangely enough it was the kinder thing to do.

Sílim go bhfuil neart againn ag breathnú ar an saol agus ár saolta ar bhealach difriúil anois. Ní chreidim féin agus níor chreid mé riamh go bhfuil an cine daonna ceapadh le bheith ag obair an 30, 40 nó fiú 50 uair an chloig in aghaidh na seachtaine a dhíoltar dúinn agus tá siúl agam gur thosaigh daoine ag smaoineamh ar sin agus ar an gcineál saol gur mhaith leo. Tá siúl agam go bhfuil tuiscint níos fearr againn anois ar na rudaí atá tábhachtach dúinn.  

I think this whole experience is shining a light on how we used to live our lives, how we spent our time and what didn’t and wasn’t working. I don’t believe humans were built to work the 30, 40, 50+ hours a week that we’re being told to work and I am hoping that this whole situation will help people to realise what is really important in their lives.

Domsa, tuigim féin an tábhacht a bhaineann leis an mbaile. Tuigim cé chomh tábhachtach is atá sé daoine maithe a bheith thart ort agus an mhéid atáimid ag braith ar an idirlíon!

For me, it has helped me realise how important your home is. How important it is to have people around you that support you and how much we really rely on the internet these days!

Taobh istigh den chéad choicís den dianghlásail seo, am éigin i mí Márta sílim...b’fhéidir, ní a fhios agam, ag am éigin i mbliana chaith mé cúig lá sa teach anseo ag déanamh cleachtais aireachais agus ag cur aithne níos fearr orm féin le Miranda MacPherson agus os cionn 40 eile ar fud na cruinne. Go gairid i ndiaidh sin bhí mé tinn. Creideann muid gur COVID a bhí ann ach níl sin oifigiúil ach ar feadh míosa bhí tinneas agus tuirse orm, lena linn sin bhí mé go fóill ag tabhairt faoin gcéim sa síciteiripe agus ag déanamh seisiúin comhairleoireachta mé féin trí Zoom. Faoi láthair tá mé ag smaoineamh ar thús a chur le haiste 1500 focal atá le déanamh agam don chéim seo agus tá a fhios agam go bhfuil ceann eile ar an mbealach. Beidh cúpla uair an chloig sa choláiste ar líne agam an deireadh seachtaine seo agus an deireadh seachtaine seo chugainn. Bhíodh mé ag déanamh físeáin do ghrúpa sóisialta WhatsApp atá ag Tuismitheoirí na Gaeltachta agus tá an-chuid físeáin eile déanta agam agus curtha ar mo leathanach Facebook féin (atá ar fáil anseo) agus tá mé ag iarraidh mo ghnó a fhorbairt ar líne. Beidh deasghnáth agam don ghealach lán ar Facebook Beo ar an Domhnach, 5 Iúil agus tá mé ag déanamh an-chuid píosaí aireachais ar Facebook Beo chomh maith. Déanfaidh mé ceann anocht ag 8.30 dóibh siúd atá suim acu ann. Chaith mé an-chuid den dianghlásail ag smaoineamh nach raibh mórán idirlámha agam ach ag breathnú siar ar seo ar fad bhí an-chuid á dhéanamh agam agus níl m’agallamh poist Zoom nó an tras-scríobh atá mé ag déanamh luaite agam fiú!  

Within the first two weeks of lockdown here, so sometime in March maybe...possibly, I don’t know. What year is it... but anyway at some point this year I did an at home retreat with Miranda MacPherson and soon after that I got sick. I was sick with suspected COVID but not officially COVID for about 4 weeks in total, during which time I was also continuing with my Holistic Psychotherapy and Counselling degree and my own therapy. Right now I am avoiding one 1500 work essay for college, I am preparing mentally for another 1500 word essay that will be due at some point and I’m also getting ready for ‘group process’ or what feels like group therapy online and I have been making videos for a Tuismitheoirí na Gaeltachta whatsapp group and for my own Facebook page (The videos can be viewed here) and I’m building up an online business of sorts. I’ll be doing a full moon ceremony on Facebook live on Sunday, 5th July for anyone who’s interested and I have also been doing a lot of Facebook live meditations at 8.30 in the evenings. So despite the fact that I have been saying and thinking that ‘I’m on the dole and not doing anything’ I have actually been doing a lot and I haven’t even mentioned my zoom job interview and my transcription work...

Agus mar gheall ar sin ar fad tá mé le trí lá a thógáil saor go luath. Trí lá nuair a bheidh an fón casta as agam, nuair a bheidh go leor bia sa teach agam le nach mbeidh orm dul amach agus go mbeidh sceideal aireachais agam agus deis agam an-chuid scríbhneoireachta a dhéanamh. Tharla an oiread sin ó gur dúnadh na tíre tá orm an t-am seo a thabhairt dom féin le tuiscint a fháil air. Níl mé cinnte díreach cathain an ndéanfaidh mé seo ach tá mé lán cinnte go ndéanfaidh mé é agus tá mé ag siúl go mór leis! Tá mé ag siúl le go dtabharfaidh an sos seo tuiscint níos fearr dom ar an gciall atá ag ‘ag oscailt na tíre arís’ dom féin go pearsanta.

And after reviewing all that has happened for me over the past 100+ days since the government told us to go inside and not come out I have decided that I need to get my head straight, I need to process, I need to take time out and these three days will be just that. So when I have moved and when I am able to I am going to take 3 days off. I am going to have my phone on airplane mode, I’m going to have enough good, nourishing food in the house for the three days and I’m going to write out some sort of a schedule whereby I will be doing a lot of meditating but I will also be journaling. I’ve never done something like this on my own but I’m looking forward to it, I’m looking forward to the quiet and to being in my new home and to maybe figuring out what ‘coming out of lockdown’ means for me.