Ag foghlaim óna chéile/Learning from each other

Dúirt cara liom an tseachtain seo caite nach síleann sí gur fíordhuine fásta atá inti. Tá post lánaimseartha aici, tá sí ina cónaí léi féin, déanann sí a dinnéar agus a níochán féin, íocann sí cáin, tá tiomáint aici ach ní fíordhuine fásta atá inti, dár léi. Cé go bhfuil na rudaí maithe seo ar fad á dhéanamh aici, agus á dhéanamh go maith, níl rudaí áirithe aici agus tá sí go hiomlán dírithe ar na rudaí sin.

My friend told me last week that she doesn’t think she is a ‘real’ adult. She has a fulltime job, she lives on her own, she makes her own dinner and does her own washing, she pays tax, she can drive but yet she is still not a ‘real’ grown up. Although she is doing all of these good things, and doing them well, she is completely focused on the things she doesn’t have.

Níl gairm ar leith aici. Faoi láthair tá sí ag múineadh Béarla do dhaoine fásta agus is maith léi é ach níl a fhios aici an bhfuil sí ag iarraidh sin a dhéanamh ‘go deo’. Tá sí ag siúl amach le píolóta. Bhí sé ag traenáil le bheith ina phíolóta nuair a chas sí leis agus tá sé anois ag obair mar phíolóta agus is maith leis é. Chomh maith leis sin tá stoc aige agus morgáiste aige. Cé go bhfuil mo chara sásta leis an méid atá aici, níl gairm sin aici agus mar sin glacann sí leis nach ‘fíordhuine fásta’ atá inti.

She doesn’t have a particular career. She teaches English to adults at the minute and she really enjoys it but she doesn’t know if she wants to do that ‘forever’. She is dating a pilot. He was training to be a pilot when she met him and now he is working as a pilot. He also has stocks and a mortgage. Although my friend is happy with what she has, she doesn’t have a particular career and therefore she presumes she’s not a ‘real’ grown up.

Má tá tú thart ar na rudaí seo i rith an ama, d’fhéadfaidh tú tosaigh ag smaoineamh gur ‘ceart’ go mbeadh na rudaí seo agatsa…ach an bhfuil na rudaí sin uait? An bhfuil tú sásta leis an méid atá agat? Nó an ea díreach toisc go síleann tú gur ‘ceart’ duit na rudaí sin a bheith agat? Díreach cúpla rud le smaoineamh orthu…

If you are around certain things all the time, you could start thinking that you ‘should’ have these things as well. But do you really want them? Are you happy with how things are for you? Is it that you’re thinking that you ‘should’ have them instead of actually wanting them? Just a few things to think about….

Níl a fhios ag mo chara cén áit ar mhaith léi a bheith ina cónaí. Tá sí sásta san áit atá sí anois ach arís, an mbeidh sí ann ‘go deo’? Ceist a chuireadh ormsa minic go leor agus mé ag insint do dhaoine i mBéal Feirste go raibh mé ag bogadh go Gaillimh ná ‘an mbeidh tú ann go deo?’ Bhí mé béasach go leor leis an bhfreagra ach i mo chloigeann bhí mé ag smaoineamh ‘céard is ‘go deo’ ann?’

My friend also doesn’t know where she wants to live. She is happy where she is living now but again, will she be there ‘forever’? When I told people in Belfast that I was moving to Galway, I was asked a few times if I would be there forever. I was generally polite in my response but I was thinking ‘What is forever…?’

Tá an sochaí i ndiaidh athraithe mór millteacha a dhéanamh. Bhí brú éigin ar mo thuistmitheoirí post buan a fháil, pósadh agus clann a bheith acu, san ord sin. Is féidir leis an mbrú sin a bheith ann go fóill, má ligeann tú dó cuir isteach ort.

Our society is changing. My parents had a certain amount of pressure on them to find a permanent job, get married and have a family, in that order. Those same pressures can be on you now, if you allow them to bother you.

Tá sé de nós ag an inchinn atá againn díriú isteach ar rudaí diúltacha. Tagann sé ón am go raibh orainn a bheith cúramach nár ith muid aon rud a d’fhéadfaidh muid a mharú nó nach ndeachaigh muid go háiteanna a raibh ainmhithe dainseáracha ann. Uaireanta is maith an rud é a bheith in ann na rudaí diúltacha a aithint ach go ginearálta, déanann muid barraíocht dó! Sílim féin go bhfuil mo chara ródhírithe ar na rudaí nach bhfuil aici i gcomparáid leis na rudaí maithe atá ar bun aici.  

The brain has the habit of focusing on negatives. This comes from our time as stone age people when we needed to be careful not to eat the poisons plants or to get caught by wild animals. Sometimes it is good to be able to identify the negatives but in general we do it way too much! I think that my friend is too focused on the things she doesn’t have, instead of being proud of the things that she does have and the things that she does well!   

I ndiaidh sin, labhair muid ar chúrsaí airgid agus go mbíonn muid beirt ag iarraidh íoc asainn féin. ‘Is duine fásta mé,’ a deirim liom féin, agus le daoine eile, ‘Is féidir liomsa mo chuid a íoc!’ Ach táimid beirt airdeallach ar an nós seo atá againn agus táimid ag obair air. Dúirt mo chara liom gur chuir sí brú uirthi féin leath a íoc agus í ag gabháil ar laethanta saoire lena fear, go dtí gur thuig sí nach raibh sí in ann sin a dhéanamh. Thosaigh sí ag tuiscint go raibh an fear sásta níos mó a íoc agus tá sí ag éirí níos compordaí faoi.

After that our conversation turned towards money and our joint need to always be able to pay our way. ‘I am a grown up! I can pay for myself!’ I say to myself and to others. But both myself and my friend are aware of this trait and we are both working on it. My friend was telling me that she was putting pressure on herself to be able to pay her half of any holidays with her boyfriend. She put herself under this pressure until she realised that she wasn’t able to do that. She started understanding that her boyfriend didn’t mind paying more and she is now becoming more comfortable with that.

Domsa, le mí anuas, agus mé i mo chónaí sa bhaile, tá mé ag caitheamh níos mó ama le mo thuistmitheoirí. Ní ligeann siad dom íoc as rudaí agus mé leo. Tuigeann siad nach ndeánaim mórán airgid le m’obair agus níl siad ag iarraidh go mbeidh mé faoi bhrú. Don chuid is mó, d’fhéadfaidh mé íoc as na rudaí a íocann siad astu ach ag an am céanna tá siad ag iarraidh agus sásta gur féidir leo cabhrú liom agus tá mé ag éirí níos compordaí ag ligint dóibh sin a dhéanamh.

For me, living at home for the past month I am spending a lot of time with my parents. They don’t let me pay for anything when I am with them. They know that I don’t make a huge amount of money and they don’t want me to but under pressure. For the most part, I could afford to pay for the things they pay for but they want to help me and they’re happy to do so, and I am getting more comfortable just letting them pay.